Impossibilities
by DayDreamer5693
Summary: This story follows my play through for my character Shiarna Surana - elven mage. It focuses more on the relationship with Alistair and contains SPOILERS for the Circle Mage plot story as well as decisions made after that. Oh and lots and lots of Quotes xx
1. Lines and Circles

**A/N  
ok so this is my newest story and my first attempt at a Dragon Age:Origins one :D hope you like it**

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Dragon Age - Bioware does - (but oh my god Alistair!) I just muck around with the characters and stuff

**A mahooosive thankyou to my wonderful Beta Reader: LiGi check out her stuff too :)**

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Chapter 1: Lines and Circles

Shiarna's POV

_Magic exists to serve mankind and never to rule over him._

All my life I have grown up around _tonnes_ of people … everywhere, but this was no strange thing. I grew up in the Circle of Magi where we were all different – male, female, younger, older … and much, _much_ older – but all equal; we are all mages. Well, except for the Tranquil but at least they _were_ mages; oh and there were the Templars too. Everybody knew who everybody was but we weren't _all_ friends, I mean come on there were a lot of us – you couldn't expect us to know everyone as well as we knew ourselves.

I spent most of my time with Jowan – a boy of a similar age to me – who had been brought to the Tower a year before I was. He was five at the time and was turned in to the Tower by his own mother who had begun to fear his abilities. Jowan was: overly pessimistic, a hopeless mage and rather annoying to be honest … but I trusted him – which says a lot as my trust is not easily won, even less so now. We used to spend countless nights trying to get him to grasp the simplest of spells after he had failed to do so with our mentor, usually to no avail as all we would do was cause more trouble. My only _true_ friend was Naveen. She was human, a good eight years older than me and the most delightful girl you could ever meet. Naveen got me through my first years at the tower, teaching me how to tease the Templars when ever they threatened me – as they often did – and get past all the silly rumours that were spread by older children. Funnily enough, she was some form of relation to the current First Enchanter, Irving, and we often met with him, it was through these meetings that Irving got to know me and my abilities and soon after Naveen's Harrowing, took me up to be his apprentice. During your Harrowing you are tested by being sent into the Fade – I remember mine well – and Naveen's confidence got her through it easily allowing her to qualify as a Full Mage and move to the Mage's Quarters upstairs, away from me. We saw each other less and less often and then she was summoned to join the King's Army and we haven't met again since. I miss her immensely.

The Templars live in the Circle as well but are there for another reason – to police us mages and if any of us fell from our path they would … kill them before they could wreck _more _havoc and break loose and turn apostate – rouge. They are also there to make sure that we never leave the Tower. Our very home is our own prison. The Templars would tell scary stories to the new children and 'warn' them, to never try and escape. As us female mages get older we take it upon ourselves to tease the Templars as a way of revenge against the many sleepless nights we have endured thanks to their 'stories'. Just a lot of fun really. I, myself, got quite close to one particular Templar by the name of Cullen, who was probably the closest thing I had to a 'romantic attachment' with in the Circle. He was very sweet and would develop a stutter whenever I would talk to him, flirt with him or even _touch_ him. Nothing ever really happened with poor Cullen though, because it would be ridiculous; I, a mage and he, a Templar.

In the Circle my life was set. I would be called to my Harrowing and become a full Mage, live to teach other apprentices or serve in the King's Army like Naveen. I was eighteen when I was called to my Harrowing and that day was far from normal. They said that I had gotten through it surprisingly quickly and had done exceptionally well but, honestly, when you awaken from it afterwards you don't feel any different. Irving summoned me to his study to congratulate me and to introduce me to Duncan, one of the infamous Grey Wardens. This fascinated me to no end and when I was asked to show Duncan to his room I leapt at the chance to question him about his work, oh how it must have irritated him.

There had been a rumour around the Tower that someone inside the Circle had been caught dealing with Blood Magic. This was forbidden. A Blood Mage could take control over another person and use their body to do their bidding, possibly using their blood as lyrium. It was against the Chantry and everything that we had been taught. At the time I didn't think much of the rumours but I suppose I know now, with hindsight, that I should not have been so blind.

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For all my life, Jowan had been my best friend so when he asked me to help him with something I did not hesitate to do so. He had found out that the Circle did not intend on calling him for his Harrowing; instead they would make him Tranquil. He would be a lifeless, emotionally deprived shell, only the very husk of existence … I couldn't let this happen to him. Not now, not ever.

"What? Why would you say that? They would never do that to you, Jowan." I cried.

"They would … they think that I have been practicing … Blood Magic. It's probably because I have been sneaking around a lot recently, but I'm just going to see Lily, that's all." He sounded desperate to make me understand this.

"Well … is it true, Jowan? Are you practicing Blood Magic?"

"No! Of course not. But I have to get out of here … and destroy my phylactery so they cannot track me down. I just don't want to become Tranquil, Shi!"

"Why don't you just go and talk to Irving? Explain to him that it is _not _what they think."

Jowan said that he was sure that Irving would understand but it would get Lily – the new found love of his life who was an initiate from the Chantry – into trouble if he found out the truth. Therefore escape was the only option and the only way he could do that was break into the phylactery chamber and destroy his blood sample that they kept there. They kept blood samples of all mages – though once you went through your Harrowing then it would be sent to Denerim – so that if they turned apostate they could track them down.

I was still certain that this could be simply resolved so I gave them my word that I would not give away their secret and left them. I went to Irving to try and find out if it was true about Jowan.

"First Enchanter Irving?" I said at the door.

"Ah, Shiarna, please come in, child. Is there something you wanted?"

"I just wanted to ask you: when will Jowan go through his Harrowing?"

"When he is ready." He answered simply.

"But he is ready now."

"I am sure you think so, child, and your concern for your friend shows your good heart." He chuckled.

"He worries that he will be made Tranquil. Is it true?" The question was innocent enough in my head, at least.

"I suppose that little initiate he has been running around with has told him this." Shit! Did I say too much? "Did you seriously think that I did not know?" He said when seeing the shock on my face. I just looked at him questioningly until he continued. "Yes, it _is_ true that we think he should go through the Rite of Tranquillity. Greagoir has an eye witness who has seen Jowan practicing Blood Magic."

I could not believe my ears. They must have it wrong. Jowan had as good as promised me that it was not true.

"Greagoir would wish every Mage dead if he had the chance. Can he really be trusted, in this case?"

"Now, now let us not speak ill of my colleague. My dear child, if there is something troubling you then you know that you can always talk to me."

"I know, Irving, thank you. There is nothing that I need to tell you, I was just curious for my friend. I'll let you get back to your work." I hated lying to my mentor. But if he believed that Jowan was a Blood Mage then there was no hope for my friend and I wasn't going to stand be and watch him loose all his emotions. Not now.

I bowed to Irving and left his study, knowing that he knew I was keeping something from him, I felt terrible but I had to return to Jowan and Lily. I told them that I would help them get him out of here, whatever the consequences.

We used my position as mage to get hold of a Rod of Fire to break through the second great door but when we came to it we discovered that magic would not work on it. The first door had been opened by Lily using a password she had taken form a Templar to prime the door and then I would cast a simple spell to release mana onto it and open the door. It seemed simple enough to start but when we got stumped at the second door, Jowan was willing to give up right then, but Lily found a way round the back. It was at this point that I couldn't help but think that there was something odd about this initiate. It didn't take long for Jowan to find his own phial of blood and smash it on the ground so we left promptly … to be faced by the Knight-Commander Greagoir, his Templars and … Irving.

Greagoir's wrought iron glare was enough to scare anyone but to someone like Lily, who was already terrified of him, it almost made her dissolve on the spot.

"An initiate conspiring with a Blood Mage." He boomed. "And this one, newly a mage, and already flouting the rules of the Circle." I ignored Greagoir's words. It wasn't _his_ reaction I was dreading.

"I'm disappointed in you, Shiarna. You could have tod me what you knew of this plan and you didn't." He shook his head and his simple words cut me so deep that all I could do was stare at the floor, head bowed. I had been so stupid. Of _course_ they would have known what we had been planning and of _course_ they would have known when someone broke in. Nothing went on in the Tower without Irving hearing of it.

It was when Greagoir turned on Lily that Jowan just seemed to … burst.

"No! I won't let you touch her!" He cried out in rage and stabbed his dagger into his hand; he released some sort of energy which whipped out everyone but Lily and me. The Templars clattered to the ground like puppets with their strings cut and the noise echoed around the stone hall.

I couldn't believe it. He had … _lied_. He _was_ a Blood Mage. It was at this moment that I decided to _never_ trust a man _ever _again.

Once over the shock of Jowan's outburst I ran to the First Enchanter and helped him up. He was not badly wounded, fortunately. When Greagoir got up, he turned to Lily with the most fury I had ever seen. I tried to defend her but she stopped me, saying that I had been a good friend but need not help her any further. I felt so guilty when she accepted her sentence to Aeonar – the Mage prison – even when she did not know what Jowan was. Neither of us knew. By this point I had begun to accept that I would be sentenced something similar. To death, maybe? Or … Tranquillity. They asked me whether I had taken anything from the repository which I denied – though I had taken the staff I was carrying – if they were sentencing me away then I wanted to keep the staff I had taken. A final act of spite towards Greagoir, in my final hours.

Just then, Duncan interrupted Greagoir and told us that he was not only recruiting for the King's Army but also for the Grey Wardens. He said he was interested in taking someone with him. He was interested in taking me.

"Irving spoke highly of Shiarna, and I would like her to join the Grey Warden ranks."

"Duncan, she has assisted a maleficar." Irving warned. My heart sank.

"She is a danger. To us all. I refuse to let her go unpunished!" Greagoir crossed his arms and he seemed certain he was right.

"I shall accept any consequences for my actions. I understand that what I did was wrong and I am truly sorry for it." I said, my eyes never left my feet, and were beginning to well with tears. There was a lump in my throat that refused to dull down so this was all that I could get out. At least it was what I needed to say. I could just about hear Greagoir mumble: "At least she knows her place. Perhaps not _all _lessons were lost on her."

"Don't be a fool. It would be a waste of your gift." Duncan's voice became stern. It was then that I realised that Duncan was not going to leave without me. Irving sighed, having realised the same thing.

"If the Grey Wardens wish to recruit someone then neither lord nor king can deny them." He sounded reluctant, but had given in. I now looked up to see his face of disapproval but then Duncan smiled.

"Come, your new life awaits."

He placed a hand on my shoulder and steered me away from my world. I looked back to see Irving, sad eyed, concern all over his face. I vowed to return and make up for my actions properly. I will always look back to feel guilt … and vengeance.

I had crossed a line. Consequently, I was out of the Circle.

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**Please please please review of you liked it - first try and all :) **


	2. Acquaintances

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Chapter 2: Acquaintances

Shiarna's POV

Duncan and I travelled south towards Ostagar where King Cailan's Army and the other Grey Wardens had gathered to face the coming darkspawn.

It took us three days to reach it and whilst travelling Duncan tried to prime me for the differences of living in the outside world. This seemed a tougher task then it probably should have been. He got me to buy my own necessities – which I was _not_ used to – and taught me how to judge how much something was worth – everything we ever needed was in the Tower's store rooms and I had never had any need to have money to buy anything, it was all there for me. Another thing I am certain I will _never_ get used to is the _sky_. It seems endless. Even when its' filled with the smoky clouds it's limitless, and the _stars_, well if I could I would happily watch them all night – if I wasn't so tired, anyway.

Duncan told me that he was from a place far from here, called Highever. It sounded beautiful and, like the Circle, very independent from the rest of the country, not held up by war as much. Despite the initial gruff impression I had of Duncan he was a kind man and I could imagine that he was a great 'father figure' to his troops. Like … Irving had been. I was usually quite shy with strangers but I found that I could talk freely with Duncan and we had a lot in common; he enjoyed reading and talked highly of the library we had in the Tower, I thrived in this conversation as our library _had_ to be the best in Ferelden, and I had spent most of my free time there. I asked him whether there would be a library at Ostagar but he just laughed at me. How was I to know that Ostagar was a ruin? We talked of the recruits on the Grey Warden camp; he spoke of the Wardens as his own children, mainly of how he would scold them and laugh when they picked on each other. It reminded my greatly of the Tower; none of us related by blood but related by circumstance.

I encountered my first Darkspawn with Duncan. We had been walking along a main dirt track, chatting of minor things when Duncan suddenly stopped in the road, grabbed my arm and walked me into the bushes.

"Well I just thought – um … what are you doing? The track goes _that_ way."

"Shh." Was all he said, as he held a finger on his other hand to his lips. I merely frowned at him, completely confused, as we hid behind a bush.

After a little while I could hear rhythmic clattering coming toward us and I looked – panicked – at Duncan. He motioned with his hand that I should follow him and move forward slightly, closer to the road. And then I saw them. The clattering had been the dishevelled armour on … what appeared to be walking, decomposing bodies. Some very nearly almost looked human but some were half the size and stocky – as much like dwarves as humans. Their skin was a filthy, dark colour and clung to their skulls so tight that their heads looked like they were merely rotting skulls and there was an acrid stench that filled my lungs and burnt my throat. My hands flew to cover my mouth and nose.

"What _are_ they?" I whispered, muffled by my hands.

"These are darkspawn. Foul creatures from the Deep Roads." There didn't seem to be many and Duncan seemed to notice this too. "Care for some practice? Follow me." He whispered.

He stealthily ran through the trees, swords drawn, and ran up behind the small crowd, stabbing a tall one in the back. I ran to catch up with him; freezing the darkspawn that next attacked Duncan, as I went. The creature at the head of the crowd had a horned helmet on and something told me that he might be a little trickier. Duncan was a bit caught up with his own creatures to notice this one so I stunned the darkspawn near by and then concentrated all fire on the helmeted one.

Maker, that thing just did not want to die! By the time I had defeated it, Duncan had managed to kill _seven_ others, consequently finishing the rest of the hoard.

"Not bad for a first fight."

"What do you mean? I suck." I pouted.

"No, you are merely inexperienced, Shiarna." He chuckled at me. "Come. We should be at Ostagar by dawn tomorrow."

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Soon enough we arrived at the start of a huge stone bridge made of pale grey blocks and standing under the first arch we reached was a tall, blond human with gold and silver plated armour. He had a handsome face but his hair was _way_ too long for my liking. It made him look … feminine.

"Ho, Duncan." Greeted the man.

"King Cailan! I did not expect a- "

"A _royal_ welcome? This must be your new recruit. I am told that you are from the Circle." Oh crap, it's the King. I just criticised the _King's_ hair!

"I am, your … highness." What do I say to a King? "My name is Shiarna."

"Pleased to meet you. I can't wait to be in battle with the mighty Duncan at my side. How glorious!"

"You must have patience, your majesty, there is still more to do before battle." Warned Duncan.

"Yes, yes. Well I am sorry to have to cut this short but if I stay too long Loghain will send out a search party. I look forward to seeing you on the battle field."

Duncan bowed and I quickly followed suit as the King turned to walk back to the ruins.

"He seems … confident."

"Yes. A little _overly _so, I believe." Duncan rolled his eyes.

Duncan told me to rest a short while and then, when I was ready, to go find a Warden called Alistair. I had no idea where this _Alistair_ would be nor what he looked like, but I suppose I will have to find out. I took off my staff and pack and left them in one of the Warden tents before deciding that I wanted to talk to some of my own kind, so I searched for the magi – shouldn't be too hard to find, you know … no armour, possibly flying sparks, big wooden stick – can't be too hard to find, right? Soon enough I saw a silver haired woman, dressed in red Circle robes, standing under a tree. I recognised her but … just could not place her name. She saw me approach.

"Ah you must be Duncan's new recruit for the Grey Wardens."

"How can you tell?"

"You are in Circle robes and I know that you were not one of the _seven_ that Greagoir decided he could spare. I recognise you … you are the Surana girl that Irving mentored, are you not?"

"I am. They call me Shiarna, but I am greatly surprised that you remembered my last name. I recognise you too but I am sorry that my memory is not a good as yours."

"Shiarna. That was it. Do not worry about it there are many people in the Tower and even more out here. I am Wynne. From what I remember, Irving was very proud of you. Almost like his own child." She smiled at me kindly but all I could do was wince at her words, knowing that that was not what Irving would think now. Not after what I had done.

I diverted the conversation again.

"Yes, I remember now. You are a Senior Enchanter, aren't you?"

"Yes, that's correct. My congratulations on your Harrowing, by the way, apparently you were very impressive." I smiled at her; I could feel a flush spreading across my face. "But I am sure that Duncan has more for you to do than to talk to me. Off you go now, it was lovely meeting you. Oh, and good luck with your Joining."

I nodded to Wynne as I walked away and heard an array of barking so decided to investigate. It was a kennels and the kennel master was standing outside it. I asked if he needed some help. He told me that he needed to muzzle this ill hound but it wouldn't let him near. I offered to do it for him – I had a way with animals so thought I stood a chance. The dog backed away form me but remained still as I attached the muzzle over its snout. I turned back to the kennel master, quite pleased with myself, and saw a look of amazement on his face.

"Hey, tell you what. If you happen to go into the Wilds and come across a white flower with a blood red centre, we can see if we can heal this dog and imprint him on you." He said. I was baffled. A weak ago I was still and apprentice mage and had nothing of my own. Now I was buying my own stuff _and_ might have a _dog_ as well!

Further on my exploration of the ruins I found another mage. He was talking to one of the soldiers and by the sounds of it the conversation was not going well. In the end the mage flew up his hands in defeat and stormed off in my direction.

"Get out of my way, fool." He bumped my shoulder as he passed. Huh, _nice_ man, don't remember him. I scowled after him.

"You know, one good thing about the blight is how it brings people together." Said the young soldier.

I recognised his face but couldn't place where from – what was up with my memory today?

He was rather cute, didn't look much older than me – maybe a year or two – and he had hair of a soft brown-blond colour that was cut fairly short and stuck up in all directions at the front. He stood tall – though granted I'm vertically challenged, myself – in a grey-brown suit of armour. His eyes were like stones of amber that reflected every ray of light that shone to them, and I couldn't help but stare ... Ok, come back now, Shi.

"You're a very strange human." Deciding to open with a compliment, I see. I grimaced at myself.

"You're not the first to tell me that. Wait, we haven't met have we?"

"No. I'm Shiarna Surana of the Circle."

"I don't suppose you happen to be another mage?" He asked glumly. Um, did I not just say that?

"Well that usually comes with being 'of the Circle' I'm afraid. Would that just make your day worse?" I grinned at him, nervously. It probably _would_ make his day worse, everyone hated mages. Especially ones like me.

"Hardly, I just want to know my chances of being turned into a toad at any given moment." I tried to refrain from laughing. There is no magic that could do that, that's what the Circle said. But _he_ doesn't have to know that. I can feel a little mischievous smile creep across my lips.

"Well, we'll just have to see, won't we?" He chuckled at this.

"Wait, I _do_ know who you are, you're Duncan's new recruit. I should have recognised you right away, I apologise." Really? Well that was unexpected.

"How could you have recognised me?" I frowned.

"Well, Duncan sent word … and you told me your name. I'm Alistair, the junior member of the order." He smiled at me. So I smiled back. "You know it's just occurred to me that there have never been many _women_ in the Grey Wardens. I wonder why that is?"

"Probably because we're too smart for you." Was I _flirting_ now? Provocative eye-brow raising and all.

"True, but if _you're_ here, what does that make you?"

"Incredibly unlucky." I grinned at him slyly. Yes, definitely flirting – and doing it very, _very_ badly!

"Ouch!" He grinned at me. "Anyhow let's go find Duncan; I can imagine that he's eager to get started." We started to walk towards the great fire that Duncan was standing by. Whilst he wasn't looking I got to appreciate his figure a little more, he really suited that armour. I smiled.

"What did you do to that other mage?"

"Nothing!" he insisted. I giggled at his too quick answer. "It's just that the Chantry like to make sure that your Circle of Magi are made as unwelcome as possible. Which puts me in a _rather_ awkward position; I was once a Templar." _Damn_, why did _he_ have to be a Templar? It was going so well. Stupid Chantry, making my life miserable with every opportunity.

"_You_ were a mage-hunter? Seriously?" I try to hide the pain in my voice.

"Er, yeah. I would not have delivered the Revered Mother's message but Duncan says that we are all to cooperate and get along." He sighed. "_Apparently_ they did not get the same speech."

"Ok well, we'd best get this ritual started. I look forward to travelling with you." What the hell was that? Why did I say that? It sounds so stupid.

"You do? Huh, that's a switch. If you have any questions then let me know." How could he smile at me again after what I just said? He must just be being polite. What's _wrong_ with me today?

Alistair's POV

Why did the Revered Mother _always_ get _me_ to do this kind of thing? She knew they all hated me. Come to think of it that's probably why she made me do this. It was bad enough just being here at Ostagar – so awkward. Duncan helped most of the time but he was off _recruiting_. Now I was stuck talking to this mage – who did not believe a word I was saying.

"Tell her I will not be harassed in this manor!"

"Yes, I was harassing _you_ by delivering a message." I rolled my eyes.

"Your glibness does you no credit." Then get over it.

"Oh and here I was thinking that we were getting along so well. I was even going to name one of my children after you ... the grumpy one."

"Enough, I will go if I must!"

I watched him leave and then noticed a pretty little elven messenger standing patiently under the stone archway. She was wearing a powder blue dress that had netting over her shoulders and had dark patches on the skirts that accented her dark hair which contrasted her snow white skin and gave her an unusual sense of innocence; she can't be from round here. Ok so she's not pretty, she's _stunning._ As she turned her dark eyes to me and I felt a strange fluttering feeling in my stomach – must still be hungry, stupid Grey Warden traits.

"You know, one good thing about the blight is how it brings people together." That was a weird opening line.

"You're a very strange human." Ha! Suppose I deserved that one. It seems to be the accusation of the day for me.

"You're not the first to tell me that. Wait, we haven't met have we?"

"No. I'm Shiarna Surana of the Circle."

"I don't suppose you happen to be another mage?" I said glumly.

"Well that usually comes with being 'of the Circle' I'm afraid. Would that just make your day worse?" What? Did she say that? Why didn't I listen? Now I just sound stupid.

"Hardly, I just want to know my chances of being turned into a toad at any given moment."

"Well, we'll just have to see, won't we?" I chuckled. I liked her, she's funny. Oh, why'd _she _have to be a _mage?_ Wait. Shiarna? Where had I heard that before … Duncan's letter!

"Wait, I _do_ know who you are, you're Duncan's new recruit. I should have recognised you right away, I apologise."

"How could you have recognised me?" Her eyebrows crinkled to make the cutest little frown on her forehead.

"Well, Duncan sent word … and you told me your name. I'm Alistair, the junior member of the order." Well at least I didn't make some jibe about her being a messenger, I make a bad enough first impression as it is. A thought came to me and I smiled. She smiled warmly back, probably confused. "You know it's just occurred to me that there have never been many _women_ in the Grey Wardens. I wonder why that is?" Was I _flirting_ now?

"Probably because we're too smart for you."

"True, but if _you're_ here, what does that make you?" Now I'm flirting with a _mage _of all things – and as badly as ever. Well it's not _my_ fault there's no one to practice on.

"Incredibly unlucky." She grinned at me.

"Ouch!" I smirked. "Anyhow let's go find Duncan; I can imagine that he's eager to get started." I started to walk her back to Duncan's fire.

"What did you do to that other mage?"

"Nothing!" I insisted. "It's just that the Chantry like to make sure that your Circle of Magi are made as unwelcome as possible. Which puts me in a _rather_ awkward position; I was once a Templar."

"_You_ were a mage-hunter? Seriously?" What's so hard to believe about me being a Templar? And wait – she knows what a Templar is? Oh yeah, she's a mage, doy. I keep forgetting that.

"Er, yeah. I would not have delivered the Revered Mother's message but Duncan says that we are all to cooperate and get along." I sighed, now _that_ was a boring lecture. "_Apparently_ they did not get the same speech."

"Ok well, we'd best get this ritual started. I look forward to travelling with you." Huh? Really?

"You do? Huh, that's a switch. If you have any questions then let me know."

What a nice, but really … _strange_ girl – even as strange as _me_. And apparently that's saying something.

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**A/N Ok quick update :D dont expect this to keep going but I hope it does - I like writing this story and hope you like reading it - if you do then please review (very sneaky begging there) :D**


	3. Wildly Unexpected

**A/N Thank you to my lovely Beta, LiGi, as usual, and I hope you all enjoy this chapter :) let me know what you think please!**

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Chapter 3: Wildly Unexpected

Alistair's POV

I led Shiarna back to Duncan so that he could instruct her and the other recruits about what they will be looking for in the Korcari Wilds. When we reached him the other recruits, Ser Jory and Daveth, were already there. Duncan scolded me for my conversation with the mage – I knew he would. Why would he embarrass me in front of the new kids? In front of the new _girl!_ I continued to brew over this whilst Duncan told them what they would be doing; only looking up when I heard my name. Probably should have been listening to that. Oh, well.

We entered the Wilds by the manned gates behind us and almost immediately were attacked by a pack of wolves. Duncan had told me to watch the recruits and let them attack first but nothing happened; Jory was simply staring in horror at the beasts racing toward us and Daveth was mumbling something under his breath. I could not see Shiarna – she was some way behind me – so I decided to make the first move. After running my sword through the first wolf and feeling the dead weight fall from the blade I turned to see a matted grey face looming in front of me baring its teeth; I knew I couldn't strike it before it struck me so braced myself for the attack but it didn't come. When I opened my eyes the wolf was still there – teeth and all - but it was silver, glistening and … wasn't moving. I looked up and saw Shiarna standing on the hill, holding a big stick in the air which was also glistening with silver stuff. Huh, helpful magic. I didn't have long to gawp at the stature before it started to move so I finished it off and sought for the next one. This little surprise happened quite a few times but not only with - what I worked out to be – ice but also with lightening. I would see one of them running toward me, brace myself and then see a flash of something in the corner of my eye; the next thing I knew the wolf was sizzling and spitting sparks, lying on the ground. I wasn't used to having someone watching my back… with magic like that and I didn't know if I trusted it … yet. A little voice in the back of my mind said: _just wait until she uses fire too, then you will have to watch yourself._

We came across a wounded soldier a little further on. I recognised him as one of the patrol group that had been sent out earlier that day – he must have been out here for hours. He was panic stricken and told us that his patrol and been taken down by darkspawn, I could see the new recruits getting freaked out by every word he said … well except for Shiarna, she was just concerned for the poor man, it was her idea to bandage him up and send him back to camp, saying that we had to continue. But Ser Jory was having none of it, when the soldier was out of ear shot he started hyperventilating.

"Did you hear that? An entire patrol of seasoned men, killed by _darkspawn_!" Jory's eyes were like saucers and flicking around in their sockets.

Oh, Maker, here we go. "Calm down, Ser Jory. We'll be fine if we're careful. There _are_ darkspawn about but we are in no danger of walking into the bulk of the horde." There's always one.

"I'm no coward but this is foolish and reckless. We should go back." No coward? He certainly sounds like a coward to me! I glared at him.

"Jory, relax. Overcoming these dangers is a part of our test, remember?" her soft, comforting voice stopped me from telling 'Ser Jory' exactly what I thought of him. She seemed to actually calm _him_ down too. I hope _she_ does well, I think she'd cope well with this lifestyle. Though saying that she could now faint at the sight of blood or something – doesn't look as though she gets out much.

"That's … true." Jory looked down at the ground, his expression a little ashamed.

"Know this; All Grey Wardens can sense darkspawn. I guarantee they won't take us by surprise. That's why I'm here." I tried to sound comforting too but I don't know if it worked.

"You see, Ser Knight. We _might_ die but we'll be warned about it first." Daveth grinned at Shiarna who I heard giggle at my side. I smiled, a little, to myself at her laughter.

On reaching _their_ first darkspawn around the corner, I half expected Jory to faint on the spot … but he actually did rather well. They all coped and they gathered two vials of blood for the ritual so we continued in higher spirits, until we saw the tree trunk … with the hanging corpses. It seemed excessive to kill the men _and_ hang them up where everyone can see them; it was horrible.

We came across Hurlock Emissaries, which took everyone by surprise so we left the mage darkspawn to Shiarna; at least she knew what she was up against. Eventually we gathered enough darkspawn blood and found the old ruin which guarded that chest holding the treaties … or so I had thought. The box was broken! Cracked right down the middle! And there was no paper to be seen. Then, to make things _even_ _worse_, I heard a sly, scornful voice approach.

"I have watched your progress for some time. 'Where do they go?' I wondered, 'Why are they here?'" An apostate mage. Great, that's all we need.

"Don't answer her; she looks Chasind." I whispered into Shiarna's ear and she nodded to me.

"Foolish boy." She turned to Shiarna instead. "You there. Women do not frighten like little boys. Tell me your name and I will tell you mine."

To my surprise, Shiarna obliged to the witch and told her her name to which the witch _claimed_ that she was called Morrigan, but I doubt it was, really. I simply glared at her. How could Shiarna speak to her? She just said that she wouldn't!

"My guess is that you sought something in that chest? Something that is there no longer?" continued the witch.

"You … stole them! You're … some kind of … sneaky … _witch-thief_!" I yelled at her. Both mages laughed.

"Vey creative." Shiarna whispered to me. Well, I think that _my_ mage was laughing at my _words_ whereas the _evil_ mage was simply laughing at me.

Shiarna paused before asking: "Who removed them?"

"'Twas my mother, in fact." _She_ has a mother! What foul creature could have created _that?_

"Your mother? Can you take us to her?" What? No! We don't want to go to her! It's probably a trap and I bet she doesn't even have the treaties.

"_There_ is a sensible request. I like you." sniggered the witch.

"I'd be careful. First it's 'I like you…' but then ZAP! Frog time." I hissed at Shiarna. She looked at me with a confused expression on her face.

"What is it with you and frogs?"

"It was _toads_ last time, actually." I smirked.

"Same thing." She waved her hand at me and smiled back. I was about to argue that they weren't the same thing but the _witch_ interrupted me.

"Follow me, then. If it pleases you."

She led us deeper into the Wilds - further than I had ventured with the other Wardens – until we reached a little tumbled down hut. Only an apostate mage could live all the way out here and actually survive. We were crazy for following but if they did have the treaties then we couldn't risk leaving them behind. When we reached the hut an old woman came out to greet us, she could only be the witch's mother. She – like her daughter – insulted my intelligence, annoyed me to the brink of my temper … but did give us the treaties. The witch was just as keen to get rid of us as I was to be away from them but the witch's mother reminded her that she had to show us out – which, I must admit, I was glad about as my sense of direction was not as good as my sense for darkspawn. So once somewhere that I could recognise, we headed back to camp and back to Duncan to report what happened and who we had found.

I wasn't exactly looking forward to the Joining Ceremony … but I was eager to get it over and done with.

* * *

Shiarna's POV

Alistair led us to the old temple where we waited for Duncan to return. Jory was now becoming very nervous and Daveth was trying to calm him down. Alistair just stood there, arms crossed, leaning against the wall of the temple, since he'd taken his breast plate off I could see his muscular tone through his white shirt – probably the point of his stance. He would glance at me when ever he thought I wasn't looking, every time I caught him looking at me my stomach would tingle – it was a strange feeling but I thought that it was just me being hungry and anyway it made me smile to myself. Jory was properly freaking out now so I tried to calm him down like I had managed to in the Wilds. Daveth had seemed to find a point of acceptance and seemed quite relaxed but I could still feel the fear coming from Jory.

Duncan returned holding an ornate glass goblet and Alistair walked away from the wall and uncrossed his arms; we all fell silent. Duncan explained to us that we were about to drink the darkspawn blood we had fetched and that some of us might not survive it, depending on whether the Maker decided that we should pay for the price of the Grey Wardens now or later. To be completely honest, this was unnerving, even for me - and I had seen some pretty horrific things in my life time. I could feel Jory becoming more and more restless and Alistair proceeded to recite the few words that was said before our Joining began: "Join us, brothers and sisters …" As Alistair spoke I watched Jory and I saw Duncan watch him squirm too. Duncan chose Daveth to drink first. At first nothing happened but then he clutched at his head groaning; he let loose and agonising scream which echoed around the temple.

"I am sorry Daveth." muttered Duncan, as he watched mournfully. Alistair just stared at the ground and Jory backed away, mumbling to the Maker. I was just frozen to the spot, mortified and terrified that this could happen to me now. Daveth fell to the ground, curled up tightly … and never moved again. Duncan next turned to Jory but the knight from Redcliffe backed away up against the wall screaming "No!" and begged for a chance to go back to his wife and child.

"There is no turning back." Duncan sounded as if he was possessed when he said this and he drew his sword as Jory did the same. Jory tried to defend himself but it was feeble against Duncan's control. Duncan ran him through with his blade and whispered into his ear: "I am sorry, Jory." and let him slide to the ground like Daveth but unlike Daveth, Jory fell to the ground with blood bubbling from his lips. What had I got myself into? "But the Joining is not yet complete." He turned to me. I was not going to back away now; I had come too far to turn back so with my heart thumping wildly in my throat I took a small drink from the goblet. The blood burned my throat and my vision blurred, my head felt as if my brain was going to break out through my skull. Then there was nothing.

* * *

There was a seemingly never ending amount of screaming. It was so loud I could barely hear myself think. The pain was agonising. The sky was a sea of dark green and jet black smoky clouds but what was the most eerie was what was standing right in front of me. A gigantic dragon, with horned ears and spiny scales all coloured in a dark, deep black. It turned its demonic head to stare right at me with its menacing blood red eyes which seemed to look right into my soul. It screeched into the night and the image faded away.

* * *

I awoke to see only Duncan and Alistair, every fibre or my being trembling with shock.

"It is done." Duncan said simply and got up from my side and walked away.

Alistair offered me his hand, which I gladly took, and he lifted me to my feet.

"Are you alright?"

"I – I am now. What _was_ that?" he was still holding my hand.

"At my Joining only one of us died. I am glad that _you_ lived through it. Did you have nightmares? I always get nightmares."

"You mean with the dragon? Yeah, I saw it." Alistair giving me a knowing look and from our close proximity I could see the pain in his expression. Duncan cleared his throat loudly to get our attention and raised his eye brows at Alistair.

"Oh, I almost forgot: we put a little of the blood in a pendant … to remind us of the lives that did not make it."

"Thank you." I took the pendant from his hand and looped the chain over my head.

"Shiarna, by all means get some rest but, when you feel able, come to the North Tower. King Cailan has arranged a pre-war meeting and has asked that you attend."

"Of course, Duncan." He turned now and left. Alistair smiled at me and said that if I needed him he would be by Duncan's fire. I watched his back as he walked off. Why wasn't Alistair going to the meeting? Why only me? There were other Wardens here who were far more senior than me, so why did I have to go?

I got some stew from the large pot over the fire in the soldiers' quarters and ate silently. I'm assuming that the meat _was_ chicken as you couldn't distinguish its taste but the food wasn't _too_ bad. Once I had finished I wondered around trying to find out where the North Tower was. It wasn't too hard to find when I simply walked toward the raised voices.

"Loghain, my decision is final! I will stand by the Grey Wardens!" thundered the King. It was clear the Loghain did not think much of the Grey Wardens – he feared a conspiracy amongst them – and he thought that King Cailan was naive to want to stand beside them in battle. They ran through the plan of action for the coming battle and when I t came to lighting the beacon in the Tower of Ishal, King Cailan noticed me. He declared that he wanted me and Alistair to light the beacon ourselves to ensure that it was lit. I was furious that I could not be in the battle but what could I say when the King had asked me himself so I merely said: "As you wish, your majesty. I will do my best." I didn't really listen to the rest of the meeting as I was too wound up in what I was about to do. I can understand that it was vital to have the beacon lit at the right time but why waste two Grey Wardens on this job? Stupid politics.

When Duncan briefed Alistair on what had under gone in the meeting, it was clear that Alistair was of the same opinion as me.

"What! I won't be in the battle?" Alistair was both outraged and disappointed. Whereas I was merely outraged! But no matter what either of us said, Duncan still managed to convince us that this was the right thing. He turned to go, as he was to stand with the King.

"Duncan … may the Maker watch over you." praised Alistair, solemnly.

"May the Maker watch over us all."

* * *

Alistair and I ran to the bridge that would lead us to the Tower of Ishal and we reached it just as the battle started. We saw the horde of darkspawn race towards our blockade and they were first met by the mabari hounds. The night was filled with cries from the darkspawn and yelps from the hounds. I couldn't watch anymore.

At the base of the tower we were met by some of the soldiers set to watch the Tower.

"Ah, you look like Grey Wardens." One said relieved.

"The Tower ... it's been taken." Panted to second man,

"What are you talking about, man? Taken how?" demanded Alistair.

We followed the soldiers as they returned to the door and we were met by about a dozen darkspawn. We fought our way through and entered the Tower, only to be faced by _more_ Genlocks.

"Maker's breath! There wasn't supposed to be any resistance here!" Alistair yelled over the clatter of steel on steel.

"Weren't you complaining that you wouldn't get to fight?" I yelled back, Alistair's laughter rang our through the room.

"Hey, you're right! I guess there is a silver lining here if you think about it." He decapitated to last darkspawn and rushed over to me. "We need to hurry! We need to get up the top of the Tower and light the signal fire in time!"

After climbing three more flights of stares, coming across more and more darkspawn the higher we went, we arrived at the upper level of the Tower of Ishal. I saw the beacon and ran for it but something grabbed my arm and pulled me to the ground. I rolled over to find Alistair crouching low over me. He looked right into my eyes holding a finger to his lips to warn me not to say anything then nodded and glanced at something behind me. I peaked over the edge of the railings but ducked back into Alistair's protection. There was a grey, blood stained _giant_ crouching over what I perceived to be his meal – a dead soldier.

"It's an ogre." Alistair whispered in my ear as I continued to watch it in confused awe. How could we match this thing? We couldn't get passed it to the beacon. But before I could ask Alistair what we would do, he leapt up and bounded for it! Don't warn me then! To try and level his chances I summoned water from the air and froze the ogre on the spot … but this didn't last long. It was too big for my fixing spells to take much effect. I shocked it using Mind Blast when it came to and simply continued striking it.  
It was Alistair who dealt the last shot; he knocked it backwards with his shield and ran up to its neck where he stabbed it continuously in the jugular with his sword until it fell, crashing to the floor.

"We've … probably missed … the signal. We need to … light the beacon!" He panted. I ran to the beacon and cast embers on to the kindling that was there; the flames grew and spread quickly; our job was done.

* * *

"What do we do now?" Alistair and I had sat side by side next to the beacon.

"I guess we- " he was interrupted by the crash of the door as it flew open to reveal yet another horde of darkspawn. There was a sharp, burning pain in my shoulder before I could cast a single spell. I had been pierced by an arrow. I saw him fall. We were overwhelmed. My vision blanked.


	4. Sad Tidings

**A/N Ok it's been a while so sorry about that but there's alot on atm - I promise not to let this story drop though - love writing it too much :D if you like it too then please please please review it always helps the inspiration**

**Thanks to LiGi for betaing and getting the chapter sent to me despite the little email issue ;)**

* * *

Chapter 4: Sad Tidings

Alistair's POV

I opened my eyes to see a dark, dusty room; I was in a bed – without my shirt, I had discovered – with my armour on a chair next to my head. What's going on? Where am I?

"Mother! This Grey Warden awakens." Oh no, it was the witch from earlier. What kind of experiments had I been succumbed to? What had they done with Shiarna and where was she?

"Oh, not you. I want to go back to sleep."

"I would happily make sure that you go back to sleep and _never _wake again, if it pleases you." I saw her hand begin to glow green. She wasn't joking.

"Er..."

"Thank you child, that will do. Go and keep an eye on the other for me. I must talk with this one." Not the witch's mother too. Now I was starting to panic.

"What do you want with me? And where is my friend?"

"Your friend?" Her voice was sarcastic and I was not in the mood for it. If they had done anything to Shiarna I would…

"The girl! The girl I was with earlier, her name is Shiarna!" The witch's mother chuckled… or rather _cackled_.

"She is fine, just fine. Do not worry about her for now. Morrigan will watch her." Because _that_ is a great comfort to me. The witch is watching Shiarna. "You must listen to me now." I just looked at her. "Your feud with the darkspawn did not go… to plan. The King is dead as are the Grey Wardens."

"No! It can't be!" I stormed out of bed, pulling my shirt on as I got outside. The witch's mother followed me.

"You must listen to me, lad. I stole you and your Warden _friend_ from the top of the tower as the darkspawn attacked. What say you now?" I was shocked into silence. "From the tower I saw the King fall at the hands of an ogre and your Warden Commander die soon after." Duncan? No… please no. My heart sank and I bowed my head; there was no hope for us now. "See, here is your fellow Warden now. You worry too much, young man."

I looked up to see Shiarna walking out of the hut, limping slightly. Oh the relief I felt at that moment. I ran to her and took one of her hands in mine.

"You're… you're alive! I thought you were dead for sure."

"Well, I wasn't going to let you get rid of me _that_ easily, Templar or no. In any, case it's all thanks to Morrigan's mother." I could see in her eyes that she was just as glad to see me. That was comforting.

"Yes." I turned to the witch's mother. "But what do we call you? You never told us your name."

"Names are pretty, but useless. The Chasind folk call me Flemeth. I suppose that will do."

"_The_ Flemeth from the Legends?" Asked Shiarna. She's heard of them?

"Daveth was right – you are the Witch of the Wilds, aren't you?"

"And what does that mean." Ok no more talking about her legends; I like being human, thank you.

"So why _did_ you save us?" Shiarna could clearly see that we needed a subject change; and squeezed my hand to reassure my confidence.

"Well," Flemeth shifted her glare from me. "We can't have _all_ the Grey Wardens dying at once, can we? You two must unite the land against the blight."

"The land is hardly united, thanks to Loghain." She sighed.

"That doesn't make any sense! Why would he do it? Unless… he wants the crown… still, I can't see how he'll get away with murder." I let go of Shiarna's hands, having realised that I had taken up the other one as well.

"You speak as if he would be the first king to gain the throne that way. Grow up, boy!" Scoffed Flemeth

"If Arl Eamon knew what he did, he would not stand for it!"

"Perhaps we should go to him then?" Said Shiarna.

"I suppose… Arl Eamon wasn't at Ostagar; he still has all his men… but I don't know if his help will be enough."

"Surely there are other allies we could call on." She suggested.

"Of course! The Treaties!"

We named all of the places in Ferelden that we could call upon to come to our aid and then decided that we must take our leave. Flemeth stopped us saying that there was one last thing that she could offer us but she was about to tell us what this was when her daughter, the witch, came out of the hut. She made some snide comment about us leaving so I just glared at her. What was this thing that Flemeth would let us leave with? She started suggesting that we take Morrigan but that wasn't going to happen if I had anything to do with it. What else could she offer us?

* * *

It turned out that the witch _was _the precious thing that Flemeth was going to offer us. Just my Maker damned luck. The witch suggested that we stop first in a village called Lothering which was just on the outskirts of the Wilds – or so she says… – so we wouldn't stop until we got to the village.

We had been walking for a good few hours when I could sense darkspawn and soon enough we heard some incessant barking reaching us as we got round the corner.

"Hey it's that mabari from camp!" Cried Shiarna, running up to it. Why'd she run towards the throbbing sense of darkspawn? Sure enough a horde of the creatures rounded on us from around the corner – Shiarna still hadn't noticed; she was just crouching there petting the puppy. A Hurlock shot at her and I leapt forward pulling her to the ground and out of harms way. I caught a glimpse of her shock for a second before crawling off her and bounding at the horde. They weren't that difficult to deal with and I must admit that even the witch was useful but it was only me and the dog at the front lines. Once the last Hurlock fell to my feet the dog ran back to the women, I followed. The dog started licking Shiarna's face and her childish laughter warmed my heart.

"You know what? It looks as if this thing has chosen you. Mabari are like that, they call it imprinting." Just stating the facts.

"You're not telling me that we have to have this mangy mutt following us about now?" The witch rolled her eyes.

"You're not mangy are you? In any case I don't think we have a choice; he'll follow her. And anyway, we cope with you don't we?" I sneered at the witch.

"Really? I can keep him?" Shiarna's face lit up, her dark eyes large and hopeful, embedding into mine. She's so adorable.

"No-" the witch started.

"Of course you can; don't see why not." I shrugged. Especially if it annoys _her._

"Thank you!" She flung her arms around me. "I've never had a dog before."

She was so short that her head just rested on my chest, her arms wrapped around my waist. I put an arm around her back and kissed the crown of her head. "Um… you're welcome." I released her and we set off with the newly christened 'Mercy' at her side.

* * *

Just on the outskirts of the village we came across some bandits, scavengers trying to prey from the poor refugees that ran from the darkspawn. They tried to get coin from us as well, but oh no, Shiarna was not letting that happen; she threatened them, warning them that they didn't wan to fight a mage – to be honest I was thrilled to be fighting with her not against her, myself. They let us pass unscathed but as soon as our backs were turned they attacked anyway. Big mistake! We spared only the leader and it was then that Shiarna revealed the tricky little creature she really was; she conned the bandit out of all the money he had collected before literally _chasing_ him off the bridge. I laughed my head off at this bit and even the witch chuckled.

Shiarna's POV

As we walked into the village called Lothering, Morrigan stopped us and declared that she had had enough and no longer wanted to go here. She had brought everything that she needed with her and had no need to actually go into the village. I tried to get her to come with us – I didn't know where we we're going and I doubted that Alistair did either – but she bluntly refused. Not bothering to convince her I again, I let her go; it was going to be a much more pleasant day with just me and Alistair… oh and Mercy too. Morrigan said that she would walk around the village and set up camp so we could meet her there. As we went our separate ways I noticed a grin on Alistair's face. He was clearly pleased to know that he was free of her taunts – at least for now.

I must admit it was nice to be on our own again. Alistair's good mood was definitely lifting my spirits too. Lothering, however, just seemed to be filled with doom. Everyone was glaring at everybody else when we tried to ask the refugees what was going on they just accused us of ruining their land and telling us that our kind wasn't wanted. Nothing was killing my buzz today so we went round doing errands and helping where we could. There were so many refugees around that it was a wonder they hadn't physically burst. But it wasn't until we got to the tavern that we actually realised the extent of the problem. Almost as soon as we entered the door we were met by _loads_ of refugees and in the crowd were soldiers.

"Loghain's men." Alistair whispered in my ear. He pulled me by the arm and we headed to the door… but it was too late.

"Ah ha! Weren't we just asking for an elf and a man by this description and we were told that they hadn't been seen?" Grumbled a man. By the sound and _smell _of him he had been drinking pretty much all afternoon.

Though I denied that we were, he still insisted that he had to take us to Loghain and it was then that a slight, red headed Chantry girl stepped in. She tried to prevent the inevitable fight but only ended up helping us pick up the pieces. I have to admit that she wasn't without skill but she just looked so defenceless – though she wasn't. When she spoke she had a foreign, rhythmic accent that Alistair told me was Orlesian.

"I apologise for interfering but I could not just sit by and not help. Let me introduce myself, I am Leliana, a lay girl from the Chantry here."

"I'm Shiarna, this is Alistair and my dog, Mercy. Thank you for helping us back there."

"I'm glad you think I'm useful. That's why I'm coming along." She beamed at me. Oh no she's not, I can't risk anymore lives on this.

"Why so eager to come with us?" Good. Alistair sounds like he'll object too – sounding suspicious of her.

"The Maker told me to."

Both Alistair and I just stared at her blankly and shared a perplexed glance at one another.

"Er… can you… elaborate?" I managed.

"I-I know that sounds… absolutely insane – but it's true!" The poor girl sounds so crestfallen.

"More crazy? I thought we were all full up." Alistair whispered into my ear. Good fighter or not I can't risk the life of someone so sweet and naïve.

"I'm… sorry, I can't take you with us."

"Why not? Please, you need me." Ok how do I explain this?

"We… I can't protect _everyone_. Sorry." That definitely did the job. I winced to myself.

"We took the witch." Said Alistair, a hand on my shoulder and his lips close to my ear.

"You mean Morrigan? We didn't really have a choice." I muttered.

"Do we now?"

"But Alistair, she's one Archdemon short of a Blight." I turned to face him so that he could hear my whispers but Leliana couldn't. We were but inches apart.

"Well," He smirked. "She seems more 'Ooh pretty colours!' than 'Muahaha! I am princess stabbity! Stab, kill, kill!'"

I couldn't help myself, I just burst into giggles and buried my head in his shoulder to try and stifle them.

"I vote she comes along." He whispered in my ear, completely serious now.

If I'm completely honest I would love to take her with us – I missed female company... that talked – I just hoped she'd prove herself to be stronger than she appeared. I span on my heels to face her again, a beaming grin back on my face.

"You're welcome to come; we're going to need you."

"Thank you so much. You're not going to regret it, I promise." Instantly I believed her, she just seemed so determined. She was, however, from the Chantry, they hated my kind. I was going to have to watch her.

* * *

We wondered around the village again, blissful happiness returned. If it wasn't for the whole Blight thing this would be such a lovely day, the best I had had in a long time.

We decided to help to a little by doing Chanter's board stuff and also helped out for the Blackstone Irregulars. The pay wasn't brilliant but that wasn't why I wanted to do it. This village was under great threat and if I could do anything to help them out I was going to do it and fortunately even my skills came in handy as I got the chance to use my herbalism like I did back home. Whilst we scoured the land around Lothering for the troubling bandits we were attacked by some villagers. This did wound my gleeful mood a bit because they wanted to kill us Grey Wardens for money to spend on food – which they probably wouldn't get the chance to buy.

It wasn't until we returned to the village that we noticed the large cage. Inside it stood a _very big_ man.

"To leave a man in a cage with a darkspawn attack just around the corner is a cold thing, indeed. He can't defend himself. He'd be trapped." Why would anyone do that?

"You're not like my captors." The man's voice was gruff and hoarse with thirst.

"Who are you? Why have you been locked up?" What could he have possibly done to be caged like this?

"I am Sten of the Beresaad of the Qunari peoples. I am in a cage at the wishes of the Chantry." He said glumly but with a _touch_ of pride in his voice. I looked at Leliana, maybe she knew why if the man wasn't going to tell me himself.

"The revered Mother said that he slaughtered an entire family. Even the children." She watched her feet intently.

"It is as she says. I suggest you leave me to my fate." said the big man, drawing his chin up and staring at the land behind us. He didn't sound like he regretted his actions as such – which was a little unnerving – but he did seem to feel remorse.

"Not to put too fine a point on it, but Qunari are renowned warriors. If we could release him perhaps he might help us." ventured Alistair.

"You've got a point." Since we appeared to be recruiting assistance now and Sten didn't look too treacherous I turned to him. "If we released you… would you help us? We could use skilled help."

"What 'help' is it that you seek?" His brow furrowed but he sounded remotely interested.

"To defend the land against the Blight." said Alistair, a true sense of honour in his voice.

"Blight? You are Grey Warden's then?"

"We are." I say and Alistair nods with me.

"All … two of us." Alistair's face drops a little at this. The big man just nods once at us.

"So how do we get him out? Do we go talk to the revered Mother?" I ask Leliana as I can tell form a side glance that Alistair's got more pressing thoughts on his mind.

"No, no. The revered Mother was very strict on this man, when he came. She would not want him released but no one deserves to be locked up like this… not even murderers." Her brow creased a little and I threw her a questioning look. "I could try and pick the lock on his cage, if you like. It doesn't look too difficult."

I grin at her and she proceeds to unlock the cage. It works! We freed him.

"So be it." said Sten as we let him out. He sounded like we had just released some demonic creature and now threatened the world's existence.

"Glad to have you with us." I smiled encouragingly at him.

"Perhaps with you I can find me atonement." He mumbled to no one in particular as we directed him to the camp that Morrigan had set up – he didn't want to be around here any longer. Whether or not he will actually turn up, we would have to wait and see.

The four of us walked to the Chantry next; the happy high running lower now, Alistair hadn't spoken in a bit. He chirped up a bit at finding Ser Donall – a knight from Redcliffe – however, learning that his Arl Eamon was ill and dying did not help his sorrow. We just seemed to get more and more sad news in this village so we quickly renewed our supplies and left for camp. You could almost see the bad omen that hovered over Lothering as we turned our backs on it.


	5. Crashing to Falling

**A/N Was meant to update this sometime last week but got a bit carried away.  
This chapter is actually dedicated to my wonderful beta: LiGi - she knows how :D**

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Chapter 5:

**Crashing to Falling**

Shiarna's POV

He was just _sat_ there. Alone. In silence. The fire was blazing in front of him and he just stared at the flames. I could only imagine how he must be feeling but what could I do? I'm really bad with grief.

I would walk towards him – intent on talking to him, to try and ease his obvious suffering – but then he would sigh heavily … or I would loose my nerve.

Come on, Shi, you have to talk to him, he needs to get through this. But does it really have to be me? I look around the rest of our 'party'. I couldn't imagine that Sten would be much help to talk to and although Leliana would definitely talk, how much of it would be relevant or even comforting to Alistair I wasn't sure. Anyway, she's busy cooking dinner for us. I laugh at the thought of Morrigan being _sympathetic_ let alone to Alistair. Ok, so yeah it has to be me. I took a deep breath, walked up to him and fell to the ground to sit up against his side with my knees hugged to my chest.

"Do you want to talk about Duncan?" That didn't even sound rushed.

He slowly turned his head to look at me a weak half smile at the corner of his lips, but then turned his head back again.

"You don't have to do that." He mumbled into his knees.

"Talking helps. I … just thought you might need it." From the look in his eyes he clearly did need it, he knew that too.

"I ... should have handled it better. Duncan … he warned me this could happen, that any of us could die in battle. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologise for, Alistair." I placed my arm around his shoulders and he looked away from the flames and at me instead. His amber eyes glistened in the reflection of the fire so I couldn't tell if there had been tears or not. He gave me that sweet little smile again.

"I'd like to have a proper funeral for him up in Highever … I think he said that was where he was from. After all this I mean ... but I don't think he had any family to speak of."

"He had you." I half smile at him to try and lift his spirits a bit.

"I suppose he did. It probably sounds stupid but I feel like I … abandoned him." He returned my smile meekly.

"I think he'd be proud of you. You survived and instead of shirking your responsibilities you're actually going to do something about this Blight." He took my hand then and stroked it with his thumb, thanking me, I thought.

"Have you … had someone close to you die?" I think I must have glared at him then – at the memory of my 'someone close' – because he added: "Not that I mean to pry. I just …"

"Well …" I sighed. "He's dead to me now so I guess it's fair to say that I've lost enough to know what you're going through." I took his hand in mine properly.

"Yes, I … imagine you really have." Now we both sat in silence at the lull in our conversation.

"You know what? Maybe I'll go to Highever with you, when you go."

"I'd like that." He smiled at me again, but I think he meant it this time. "So would he I think."

"Dinner's ready!" called Leliana in a sing song voice – she was clearly enjoying playing mother for the group. Maker, the stew smelt good! I stood up to go get some food – I was starving – but before I could walk away his hand pulled be back. I must be lighter than he though because I landed against his chest and that surprised him.

"Thank you. You were right, you helped."

"Anytime, Alistair. We're in this together." I kissed his cheek and walked away. I glanced over my shoulder and thought I saw him touch his cheek where I had just kissed him, just briefly. It made me smile.

Alistair's POV

It was my turn to take watch and it was pretty much bang smack in the middle of the night. Typical. I always take the difficult watch.

I heard thrashing of fabric, kicking and a muffled shout come from Shiarna's tent. Then more thrashing and a panicked cry of "No!" she sounded desperate and fearful so, from experience, I could tell what was happening. I got up and started to walk over to her tent before I heard her cry out again, even louder, and the whole tent shook violently. Her panting could be heard through the deafening silence of the camp. She fell silent again so I walked back to the fire and sat down with one knee folded up to my chest. Just then Shiarna stumbled out of the tent, wrapped tightly in her blanket, with her hand pressed to her forehead. Her hair had freed itself from its ponytail so now fell to just above her shoulders and had been ruffled into an adorable mass of bed-head. She didn't seem to notice me watching her and sat down on the opposite side of the fire.

"Bad dream?" I asked knowingly, I startled her so much that she fell over. I couldn't help but laugh at her clumsiness; she can be such a klutz sometimes.

"Yeah. Darkspawn, evil dragon, that sort of thing."

"Don't worry, it's normal. They're supposed to get better but some of the Warden's used to say they could even understand the darkspawn and hear what they're saying." I pursed my lips. "All I can hear is screeching."

"Same." She mumbled. "So it's to do with the taint? I'm not going crazy?" She got up and came to sit close beside me.

"Yeah, it's the taint but I'm pretty sure you're crazy anyway." I smiled at her tauntingly. Walked right into that one, didn't she? She nudged my shoulder playfully.

"That's very kind of you. So … are all my dreams going to be about the blight from now on?" She looked so disappointed.

"Oh _no._ I still get nightmares about cheese supplies running out. Oh and Worm War One." That makes her laugh hysterically. The sound was so wonderful that I vowed to make her do it again.

"_Worm_ War?" she managed to get out.

"Yeah, when worms take over the world." Naturally.

"Ok." She said slowly. "So since you said 'Worm War _One'_ I'm assuming that there will be more than one?"

"Well yeah, obviously there would be rebellions and revolts against the new government once the worms take over but they would quickly be wiped out in Worm War Two. Although everyone suspects we will be dragged into a third Worm War." I grinned at her. Bet she thinks I'm mad.

"I … see." Shiarna said as she lay down and looked up at the sky, an amused smile playing on her lips. "And how exactly will the worms take over the world?"

"With mini crossbows and magic exploding rocks."

"Oh, of course." Her little laugh rang out again and I lay down beside her, one knee still bent.

She sighed deeply, placing one hand beneath her head and the other lying in the narrow gap between us.

"Shiarna…?"

"You can call me Shi."

"Huh?"

"My friends did back home." She didn't look at me but sent a longing gaze to the stars. She thinks of me as a friend. I grinned at this thought, though the title didn't feel like it _quite_ fitted.

"Ok, then." I started again "Shi?"

"Alistair?" She turned to look at me at the corner of her eye.

"I'm sorry you had to been thrown into this." She gave me a weak smile; she knew what I meant.

"I'm not. I've learnt so much already – being out here – why not learn it all?"

Ok, I had to ask.

"How come your hair's so short? Every girl I've ever met has always had it long." I just blurted that out didn't I?

"Umm…" She began and the rose tint that coloured her cheeks was so obvious against her ivory skin. "It used to be long. _Really_ long. I used to like it to run down to the small of my back but…"

"But…?"

"It was an accident." She sounded like I was telling her off or something.

"Care to elaborate?"

"It was late in the night and my… friend was having trouble learning a spell, so I said I would help him master it. We were hiding in the library and I was teaching him but nothing was happening but... then the flames just suddenly burst out of him and I just didn't move fast enough."

"Where you hurt?" I couldn't hide the worry in my voice.

"Oh no, not really, just that …my hair was scorched to cinders. They had to cut it dramatically short to get all the burnt bits out. It's taking a while to grow back." She smiled bashfully, but from what I could see of her eyes she was sad.

She turned back to watch the sky and I let my hand fall next to hers, in the gap between us. I moved my hand to touch hers gently with my little finger and from the corner from of my eye I could see a slight smile touch her lips. She moved her finger to brush against mine in return. It sent a warm feeling in my stomach.

"Holy Maker!" Shi suddenly cried and threw herself on to my side and buried her head into my shoulder. I could feel my heart beat begin to race.

"What, Shi?"

"The sky! It's crashing down on us!" She was barely audible with her face nestled into me.

"Er … what?" She looked up at my confused expression.

"I just saw a crack form in the sky! Why isn't it shattering onto our heads?"

I chuckled at her sincerity and moved my arm so that it could wrap around her, turn her to look at the sky and maintain this contact. "Now where did you see this crack?"

"It was just over there." She pointed to a blank piece of the midnight sky. "I'm certain! It was right- Oh Maker! There it was again. We will die tonight!" This time I saw it too… but what she had seen was not a crack. It was a white streak that flashed across the sky in a sharp line before vanishing back into the blackness. I chuckled and gently squeezed the girl who had curled against me and buried her face into my chest again.

"That was a shooting star, Shi." I whispered gently into her elegant, pointed ear. "They're one of the most beautiful characters of the sky … and _nothing_ to be afraid of." She looked up then so that her face was but an inch from mine and my heart beat accelerated. Surely she can feel that. As I looked at her I realised the true colour of her eyes; dark, forest green emeralds that glistened in the moonlight and showed _incredible_ depth … I just couldn't look away.

"Really?" She whispered. I could feel her warm breath on my face.

"Really."

She sighed her relief and settled herself to lay her head on my shoulder again. I could feel her heart through my ribcage – it was beating remarkably fast probably from her fear – though its pace was no where near as fast as mine. I concentrated so hard to slow mine down to the rate of hers and by the time I did… she was asleep… in my arms.

I kissed the top of her head but hesitated in my new found revelation. She's a mage – I knew that – but… I was… falling for her.

I can see that now.


	6. Cold Stone

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A/N Whoooo - longest chapter so far! Sorry a little excited there :D  
Ok this is quite choppy, POV wise, and if you hate that I'm sorry but I thought it was important to get an idea of what was running through Alistair's head too.  
As usual: my best wishes to the wonderful LiGi and a special thank you to carliecullenx for all the dedicated reviewing. Hope you all enjoy. :)

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Chapter 6: Cold Stone

Alistair's POV

How unusual. I was awake. I was dressed. I was _walking._ And all before the sun had risen properly. Normally it would have been impossible for anyone to get me out of bed before the sun. Yet, there I was. Huh.

I suppose the desperate need to be away from this area before it became the hell hole it was doomed to become _probably_ helped to get me moving. Didn't want to be around when it was crawling with darkspawn, writhing in flames and with a blight-blasted _dragon_ flying overhead.

So there I was at the crack of dawn and eager to get moving. I was finishing squashing my tent into my pack when I heard a lot of rustling and a heavy groan come from behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see Shi stumbling out of her tent, _sort of_ dressed. She had attempted to tie her hair back into its short pony tail but only half of it made into the leather strap. She had managed to get her slender form into the robe but lacing up the front appeared to be a step she wasn't ready to take. I felt my cheeks flush and averted my eyes away from the patch of skin that revealed itself through the open folds of her robes.

"Good morning." I said cheerily, busying myself with my pack again. She groaned.

"It's not morning when it's still dark." She clutched her head desperately.

"Not a _morning_ person, I see." I chuckled and she just glared at me.

"Never did early hours back home. Irving arranged our lessons for the afternoons saying that I should study individually before we met. I just slept in."

"So he never got to see the delightful creature you are before dawn?" She made a swat at my arm but missed and fell against me instead. I caught her shoulders and righted her again, a smirk threatening my lips. "Come on, I'll help you with your tent and you can have the pleasure of waking everyone _else _up."

That did seem to lift her spirits slightly. She walked over to Leliana's tent, Mercy hot on her heels, and shook the sticks violently. If anyone else _was_ asleep, they weren't anymore as Leliana let lose a blood curdling scream, shortly followed by Mercy's howls and a chain of, what I can only assume were curses, from Sten's tent. Next up was the witch's tent. Shi's approach was considerably more bouncy but she froze when the taunting voice escaped the tent:

"I am awake, Warden. If you assault _my_ tent thus I will personally ensure that you don't live long enough to see this tormented blight destroy your precious country."

Mercy answered with an equally threatening growl but Shi shrugged, kicked the tent anyway and legged it back to our camp with her arcane shield in place. I laughed loudly and returned to dismantling camp.

Since I was doing everything, Leliana chose that moment before we left to forgive Shi for her attacks – or at least that her hair 'needed her help no matter how evil the elf had been'. Her words not mine. Shi sat cross legged in front of a kneeling Leliana as she brushed her hair through. The matted tresses fell back from the brush in soft layers before Leliana started to run her fingers through it dividing sections off and starting to braid it. By the time we were ready to move off, Shi's hair was back in her ponytail with two braids running around her skull from her face and lined perfectly along the line of her ears. Both girls were grinning though Leliana was grinning at me. Maker knows why.

* * *

Shiarna's POV

Alistair said it would be several days' walk to Redcliffe Castle from Lothering so we set off as soon as possible to get a start on the long trek before us. We stuck to the wide dirt track most of the way unless we were avoiding a horde, we could sense or a group of bandits or soldiers that one of us had scouted ahead of us. We wanted to get to Redcliffe as soon as we could and that meant that we would have to avoid interruptions and depleting our supplies before we arrived back in civilisation.

After our first full day of walking I collapsed to the ground before my violently shaking legs could throw me there themselves.

"How do you outsiders do this?" I said rubbing my feet.

"You've lived inside all your life; you have to expect this to be hard." Said Alistair, falling to the ground beside me.

"Especially for your tiny self." Said Leliana as she piled the wood she had collected together for the fire. I'm not too sure if that was a compliment or a slander. "If you could…" She pointed at the pile with her eyebrows raised.

"Oh, yeah sure." I flicked my fingers toward the wood and the twigs set alight. "You'd think that all the stairs in the tower would prepare you for the hills and walking out here but no… apparently walking out in the real world is harder than running up and down the masses of staircases."

"Ha. Well it would be. Don't worry about it, you'll build up muscle soon enough."

Well I wasn't looking forward to that. I side-glanced at Alistair. He was being a little out of character recently. And by that I mean not talking. Don't get me wrong, when he does talk he sounds normal enough but it's just that it wasn't as often as normal.

Alistair's POV 

The further we got away from Lothering, the better I felt but at the same time, the closer we got to Redcliffe, the guiltier I felt. Really can't win, can I?

I had to tell her. She had to know. But I didn't want to her to change because of it. I liked her the way she was and if she knew… would she think of me differently? Not sure I wanted to find out.

Although she would definitely be angry if I didn't tell her and it came up with Eamon there. Then she would definitely hate me.

I was going to tell her on the first night we stopped but she was exhausted and angry at her body for not doing as it was told so last minute I decided not to tell her yet.

But I had to tell her… and soon.

She even asked me about my past, one night at camp. I just couldn't tell her everything. But after see laughed along with my 'growing up with flying dogs' thing I had to tell her something.

"Well, I told you the Arl Eamon raised me, right? I grew up in Redcliffe actually."

"Oh, that's why you want to go there first. It makes sense." She nodded, understandingly.

"Yeah, well his new wife wasn't too pleased when she came to being Arlessa. She sort of kicked me out. Some rumours had got to her that I might be Eamon's bastard son and she couldn't handle it so… I was sent to the nearest monastery."

"Who could do such a thing to a child? I'm sorry you had to deal with that, Alistair." She rubbed my arm, comfortingly.

I just couldn't bring my self to tell her more.

Shiarna's POV

I became very glad that Leliana was with us as she held most of our conversation and the way she made Alistair squirm in their conversations about the Chantry entertained me to no end. She asked him if since leaving the Chantry he still practiced what he had learnt. All he would do was mumbled something that would cause Leliana to giggle again and say things like: 'as I suspected' or 'of course'. Whenever we made camp he would sit close to me and as far away from her as he could. Though even having me being his retreat wasn't going to help as Leliana sat with me too.

Not just her amusing conversation but also her culinary skills were a great benefit as well. I had never learnt to cook in the Tower as we had kitchen staff to do that for us – but my washing up skills were the best. From the very start of out travels as a group she had hunted rabbits and made incredible food. From slow roasted rabbit over our measly camp fire to delectable stews when ever she could find recognisable vegetables near camp too. She had even found use of some of the herbs that I used for herbalism as a seasoning. How very unexpected. So generally, I enjoyed the walk to Redcliffe; we just had to get there before I collapsed with exhaustion.

* * *

It was quite early in our day when we rounded the hill and Redcliffe village came into view. I had to stop and take it all in. It was breath-taking. Such a sweet little cluster of buildings set in a cove of hills and balanced on the edge of the Lake Calenhad, and it looked so peaceful, out of the way of everything that was troubling the rest of the country. Looking up to one of the peaks I could see a grand castle made from a heavy dark coloured stone. I ran down the hill towards a river that ran down to the village and peered over the stone wall that ran next to a picturesque little cottage and overlooked the lake, with a more advantageous view. I heard Alistair follow and stand close behind me.

"It's so beautiful." I breathed, knowing he could hear me, as my eyes scanned the horizon again.

"Yeah it is." He muttered, sort of glumly. I turned to face him. He was just staring at the ground, not looking at me.

"Hey." I ducked to find his eyes and placed my hands on his shoulders, he looked at me then. "What's wrong?"

"I… have something to tell that I should probably have told you earlier."

He looked guilty. What had he done?

"Go ahead, Alistair."

"Well. You know we're at Redcliffe and you know I mentioned that Arl Eamon brought me up, well-"

"Are you his son?" I teased trying to lift his mood.

"No, no I'm not _his_ son... I'm a bastard!"

I just looked at him blankly.

"My mother was a serving girl at Redcliffe Castle and she died when I was born. You know Eamon took me in, well, he did that because… because my father was… King Maric."

See this is why I don't trust humans. Especially not _men_. They just don't tell you anything! I remained silent.

"Which makes – _made _Cailan my… half-brother, I suppose. Shi, please say something."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I said in a small, feeble voice. I looked at his boots, I just couldn't look at his eyes. I wasn't crying though – which was encouraging.

"I would have told you but I was scared that you would think of me differently. It usually works that way when people know – Duncan did. I guess I didn't want you to know as long as possible. I'm sorry."

I nodded.

I was upset and yet… I wasn't raging with the fiery anger I had when I had found out about… Jowan. I _trusted_ Alistair. Wasn't sure I was capable of doing that again. I suppose I was accepting that he had kept a secret about his past because I was keeping one myself.

"Come on; race you down to the village." I dropped my pack and staff, took his hand and saw him smile. This was my way of showing him that I could forgive him.

As we sprinted off, I heard Morrigan shout something smug after us and Leliana's hysterical laugh echo off the hills.

We ran all the way down and almost ran into a young soldier on the bridge. I suddenly stopped, just in time, and Alistair slammed right into the back of me, causing me to fall forward but Alistair wrapped his heavily gauntleted arms around my waist to steady me. They didn't move even once I regained my balance. I could hear him saying something to the man in front of us but all I could concentrate on was his breath at my ear and the heaving chest that pressed into my back. I dared myself to lean back against him with my head on his shoulder just so that he could hold me until our group caught up. Probably shouldn't have – this was the King's son after all, but he was still Alistair – he always would be to me.

Alistair's POV

Tomas, the soldier at the bridge, told us some nightmare story about walking corpses and battles that destroyed peoples' homes and tormented the villagers. I didn't want to believe it but I suppose it was more unlikely that even Redcliffe was unaffected by the Blight.

Once our troop caught up – the witch threw our packs at us as she so kindly graced us with her presence – we followed Tomas down to the Chantry where he said Bann Teagan could be found so that he could tell us more about these walking corpses.

I had never seen a house of the Maker like this before, not even back in Lothering. There were bookcases tipped over acting as barricades and people… _everywhere._ I recognised the man standing at the far end of the Chantry hall, dressed in heavy chain armour to be Bann Teagan himself so we approached him directly. He had aged a bit since I had last seen him but mostly he looked exhausted from war. The man did recognise me, which I had hoped, but he was sad to see that I had to live through this time like he did. It is indeed sad that anyone should live through such a time but it has to be. He told us of the past few nights and assured me that the nightmares of the 'peaceful little village' were true. The walking dead were tormenting the streets and burning the houses and what made things worse was that they were the bodies of people the villagers knew. They had worked in the castle and this caused more terror amongst the poor civilians.

We promised to help them fight against the dead and left to set about preparations. Tonight was expected to be the final stand. Though the survival of Redcliffe was not expected.

We divided up into smaller groups and spent all day running errands and fetching assistance where it could be found. Thank the Maker we had Shi because if it hadn't been for her coercive tongue we would not have regained the trust of the blacksmith but the promise she made in return for his help I wasn't sure was ours to give.

Tonight was going to an interesting one.

* * *

Night fell. We were standing up at the old mill with Ser Perth – one of Redcliffe's most esteemed knights who had a particular reddish tint to his hair – and his knights behind a burning barricade of barrels and pikes, waiting. Just _waiting._ I hated it. We didn't even have our weapons out, we just stood there. I got impatient and paced about a little, glaring at the ground. Shi walked up to me and stood before me calmly and smiled, taking my hands in hers.

"Breathe." She whispered. I complied, making it melodramatic for her benefit and releasing it with a genuine sigh.

"But I can't sense them."

"That's because they aren't darkspawn. We're just like everyone else now."

"There!" cried someone behind me. We spun around as one of them ran through the barricade, burning in the flames of the barrier. With a flash it froze in position glittering from the spell and a second flash dashed past my head as Shi finished it off. Maker, I loved _her_ magic.

"Yeah, just like everyone else." I said to her with a grin as more ran toward us.

Here goes.

* * *

Dawn broke.

We had gotten through the night relatively unscathed but we did loose a few good men and were now arguing about going into the Castle. To look for _more_ trouble. It would be best to leave a couple of us here so that in case our attack on the castle led to a dawn attack on the village.

"I say we go now, we're awake _now_ and the longer we wait the more will come the next night." I said.

"Yeah, why not? We need to get this mess sorted out now." Said Shi. "If we leave Morrigan and Sten here it will leave the village well protected if we stir things up too much inside."

"Thank you, I don't want to think about what would have happened with out your help." Said Teagan

"My lord, Lady Isolde is coming." Called Ser Perth.

"Quickly, get inside before she gets here and sees you." Teagan shooed us in to the mill as we saw Isolde run down the hill toward us with a knight at her side. He thrust a ring into my hand as we passed, I paused to ask why but Shi towed me away and through the door.

"Wait I want to listen."

Shi sighed, frustrated, and stopped to watch me listen. The door, however obviously didn't want me to listen either. I could only hear mumbled sounds through the thick wooden frame.

"I can't hear anything." I frowned.

"Let me." Shi took my place and pressed her ear to the wood of the door.

"What's happening?"

"I don't understand; he has to know… he has to realise…"

"What?"

She said nothing.

"_Shi!"_ I hissed at her. She was killing me here.

"She asked him to return to the castle with her. He's agreed."

"It's a trap."

"Yeah… but it's too obvious…" She glared at the door. "Why? … oh!" Then she wrenched open the door and left. What in Ferelden was she doing? Isolde was out there.

"Shi!" She was going to get caught. Why was she being so stupid? I followed her outside to find that Teagan was gone. I froze in the doorway and watched as Shi marched right up to Ser Perth.

"Please, tell me he knows what he's doing."

"He is our Bann. We have to trust his judgement, my lady." said Ser Perth, solemnly.

"If he's gone and sacrificed himself for some glorified noble reason then I'm afraid I won't trust his judgement. He's acting like a fool."

"Then you are going to have to go and help him." Ser Perth turned to me. "That ring grants you access to the secret passageway that runs into the castle."

"Ring?" Shi's head swivelled between me and Ser Perth repeatedly.

"Teagan slid a brass ring into my hand when we hid."

"So it's like a fancy key?"

"Yes, my lady. In a way."

"Ser Perth do you think you could follow Isolde and Teagan back to the Castle and wait by the gates? With your men of course. We will go down there and let you in from the other side." I didn't like giving orders, but it would work, in theory. I think.

"Yes, ser."

He walked away and down towards the village.

"Oh, could you send up Leliana and the big dog, you'll see wondering around, please?" Shi called after him.

"Yes, my lady."

"Please stop calling me that." Only I could hear Shi's little mumble. "So what's the plan?" She asked me.

I grinned.

* * *

Once our little troop of four had assembled in the mill, we crouched over a little trap door we had found and I was running my fingers over every dent and crack to try and find somewhere to fit the ring.

"This is hopeless." I sighed after giving up for the umpteenth time.

"Let me have a go?" Shi knelt down beside me and ran her fine fingers over every panel of wood of the trap door. She left one hand on the door, and one came back to touch my knee. I froze. Shi looked back. Leliana giggled uncontrollably.

Maker help me, I thought as her hand slid up my leg, my heart beating louder in my head, but her hand stopped when it reached my own. Oh, ok that's what she was looking for. She took the ring from my hand and turned back to the trap door. There was a muffled click and Shi sat up triumphantly.

"There." She stood. "Now, Alistair if you could open the thing we can get going."

I complied and we each vanished into the hole in the ground. It was pitch black and freezing in there. It was the height of summer outside, why was it so cold? I didn't have time to ponder this for long though as a soft pale green light emanated from behind me. I span on my heels, sword lose from its sheath to see Shi standing there, her fingertips glowing with the same light. I physically relaxed. The glow intensified and she blew across her palm.

"Something I found in an old book in the Circle library." She shrugged and started walking. We followed.

The pavestones were slippery in some patches and there was an incessant dripping coming from… well it had to come from _somewhere._ It was going to drive me mad! None of us spoke, either because we had no idea what was above us or that we didn't want to freak each other out further, so the only sounds – other than that _dripping_ – was the clicking of Mercy's craws as he followed his master.

Eventually we got to what looked like the end of the tunnel.

"Thank the Maker." I said and l slumped against the wall. This I immediately regretted as for one, my words echoed loudly down the tunnel and for two, I slipped on the slimy wall and fell to the floor, banging my head. And now I had a ringing noise in my ears – great.

"Are you ok, Alistair?" Shi knelt beside me and placed her hands either side of my head. There was a slight heat at my temples and then my vision settled again. "Better?"

"Yeah, thank you." I think I was staring and that made me blush.

She took my hands and lead my through the door the other two had vanished through.

When we got out we arrived in a long corridor – decisively warmer.

"This way I think." Said Leliana, and we followed her. Almost immediately I could feel the tingling in my skin that alerted my senses but there was none of the acrid smell like there was when there was darkspawn. This was just my survival instincts, then. I touched Shi's arm, and she nodded at me. I took lead point and she fell back. She was defensive whilst I just wandered in to the attack. It worked well that way. I had to defend her though.

I flung the door open to reveal a horde of walking corpses. They didn't last long – especially against Shi's 'cute and adorable' war dog thing. Mercy just tore them to shreds. As the last one fell, I looked around to follow the dog who was wandering around the corners of the room, nose stuck to the floor.

"What is it, boy?" asked Shi. She had noticed as well.

The dog wandered to the other side of the corridor and stopped outside a closet.

"Have you found something, interesting?" The dog just barked at her in reply.

"Maybe he wants you to open the door for him?" offered Leliana.

I opened the door to reveal a young woman curled up on the floor hugging her knees desperately.

"No! Please don't hurt me." She cried.

"Hush child, lest the creatures return to find us here." soothed Leliana.

"We're not going to hurt you, don't worry. Can you tell me your name?" Shi said softly, placing a hand on the girl's shoulder. She flinched away.

"I'm … V-Valena."

"Owen's daughter. The blacksmith?" Shi's voice lifted hopefully.

The girl nodded. We'd found her at least.

"Look, go back down that way and you'll find a passageway, follow that and you'll go back to the village. I promise you, it's safe."

We let the girl go and watched her leave down the passageway and out. Then we turned to the dungeons. There were more corpse things there. I could almost feel the happiness radiating off Shi, I could tell she had been worried that we had made a promise we couldn't keep. But it followed through. That was always a good thing.

We rounded a corner and came across a row of jail cells. All empty, but there were some walking dead at the end of the corridor. As we approached them I could hear a man screaming.

"No! Stay away! No – please. Help! Someone. Please, help me!"

Mercy barked loudly which got the attention of the dead things and we dealt with them pretty quickly. Whilst Shi was busy healing a large gash in her dog's side I walked up to the prisoner. He was a pale skinned man with long dark hair, wearing robes – so another mage or at least he was pretending to be. If he was a mage, he could have defended himself, surely. He was huddled up against the back of the cell, rocking on his knees with his hands over his ears. I already didn't like him. He was pathetic.

"It's alright, they're gone now." I said. The coward looked up at me.

"Oh, thank the Maker. They were going to rip me alive I was certain."

Shi walked up to me to join the conversation, I smiled at her and she smiled back until she saw the man in the cell. She froze. And I didn't think it could get any colder in here. Shi covered her mouth with her hands looking completely stunned but then the shock dissolved to reveal anger and she glared at him. Both Leliana and I looked between them – confused as possible. Mercy whimpered and shrank away.

Shi spoke again in a whisper.

"Jowan."


	7. Castle Doom

**A/N Hey! Sorry it's taken so long to upload this - stupid emails ;D**

**Anyway, I think this is the longest chapter in the history of my writing _anything_ - even real work :O So woop for me!**

**Speaking of real work - there's alot of that at the moment becasue of January exams so updating might not be until next month when I am free! But I have nearly finished the next two chapters - just need to find the time to get back on the game and 'research' :D Shouldn't be a particularly long wait though fingers crossed ;D**

**Thanks to LiGi for betaing!**

**Anyone who reviews gets a mention in the next update! little insentive 'cos I need to know this is heading in the right direction.**

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**Chapter 7: Castle Doom**

Shiarna's POV

"By all that's holy." He gasped, looking up at me and clambering to his feet. All I could do was stare at him as I could feel the raging heat and anger bubble through my veins. "I never thought I'd see you again." He breathed.

"Good, finally I get a chance to _kill_ you." I tried to throw myself at the cage, fingers crackled with the lightening flashing across the tips, but Alistair grabbed my arms from behind. Damn his stupid strength and my… feebleness! Jowan backed away into his cell, obviously not getting far.

"I… understand why you're angry. They told you I poisoned that Arl."

That's why he thought I was angry? Is he that self centred? Is he that _mad?_ I struggled against Alistair's restraint again but to no avail. He just wrapped his arms securely round my waist, locking my arms to my sides. My vision blurred a little.

"That's not it and you _know _it! Poisoning Arl Eamon is just _one _of your _many_ contributions to the destruction you've caused!"

"I'm sorry." He muttered, I could barely hear him let alone believe him.

"_Sorry?_ After everything we've been through – everything you've done to us that's all you can say?"

"I have no excuse for my actions." The bastard still didn't look at me.

"Well at least you're not going to _lie to me again._" I felt Alistair's grip tighten around me and I physically relaxed, if only for his benefit.

"Tell me one thing? What became of Lily?" said Jowan sheepishly. And now he brings up that bitch? Ok well there was nothing actually bad about her… you know, apart from being with him.

"You should have known better, Jowan." I shook my head sadly.

"Please! What happened to her?" he grabbed onto the bars on his cage.

"They sent her away, I don't know where." Well I _did_ know where she was but I wasn't going to tell him that, now was I?

"Oh, my poor Lily." He wailed.

"She was a good woman and you _used_ her. Like you used everyone else. Even me. Were we all just a part of your big plan of escape? Did our friendship… or anything else, mean _anything_ to you? You're a heartless bastard, Jowan!"

"I know, alright!" he screamed. "Of course you meant something to me, Shi, you always will."

We fell into silence.

After a while I placed my hands on the ones that had been gripping my waist, they felt cold under my touch. I tuned back to look at him over my shoulder.

"It's ok, Alistair, I won't kill him here." I whispered, managing a small smile. His eyes were filled with concern but he trusted me enough to let go and step back. "Thank you" I mouthed to him. He nodded.

I interrogated Jowan on the goings on in the castle, taking every answer he gave with a pinch of salt. He worked for Loghain now, after all. He told us that Lady Isolde had hired him initially as a mage to help her son – who had started to show signs – because she didn't want to loose him to the tower. He said that Loghain had found out and made him poison the Arl. Apparently Eamon didn't know that Connor was a mage so he was to be taught in secret.

Toward the end of his explanation I found my head shaking again.

"Why should I believe a single word you say?"

"Because if you don't believe me and ignore what I tell you the lives upstairs could be lost." Ok the idiot had a point there.

"I can _never_ trust you again!"

"I would plead for mercy but… I'm not sure I deserve it." He looked to the floor. "Shi, have I lost you?"

"Yes, Jowan, you have lost me forever."

"You know, I wish I could go back and fix it. I just want everything to be right again."

I so wanted to believe that of him but… I just glared at him, torn.

"Look. If you every felt anything for what ever passed between us, please… help me fix this." I leant against the bars and gripped them tightly.

"I helped you once before in the name of friendship." I think I saw him wince slightly at that word.

"And I betrayed you. I'm sorry, _so_ sorry."

I walked away from him glaring at the ground. What could I do? He left me for dead despite everything and clearly didn't trust me enough to let me in on this little secret. Why should I trust him now? But it was _Jowan._

A small hand on my shoulder made me jump.

"No matter what your history, doesn't everyone disserve a second chance? A chance to redeem themselves?" Leliana muttered to me.

I nodded. I could see her point.

What if Jowan was telling the truth? What if he really did see that he had done enough to ruin this country and actually wanted to help? Could more damage be caused if I didn't let him help? His skills could be found useful, after all. Ah! So many questions!

I turned to Alistair. His eyes were almost pleading me not ask his opinion but I desperately needed his approval, or even just his input. I stood right in front of him and we stared at each other as if we were having some telepathic discussion with our psychic connection. Thinking about it, that would be awesome.

After a while he sighed and looked away.

"He's your friend, only you can decide what's best for this." He shrugged. I turned back, taking a deep breath.

"How, exactly, do you propose to help? I'm not going to just let you go."

"I would never expect you to. I would stay here and try to help in any way I can. A part of me knew I had to face any consequences so if that leads me to being arrested and executed… then so be it."

I have to admit that was honourable, even for Jowan. I sighed, reluctantly.

"I'll let you out."

"Really? Shi-"

"And then you're coming with us so you can keep your little promise and I can keep an eye on you."

"Well…" What? He's worming his way out already? The lock's still on. "I'd like to help… but I'm not sure I want to follow you into danger, exactly."

"Then _help_." said Alistair from behind me, sounding just as frustrated as I felt.

"Just don't make things worse, Jowan." I warned him.

"I won't. Promise." He nodded, looking determined.

I told him to step back and blasted the lock.

"You know, I could have helped you with that. Less mess my way." said Leliana, as she brushed herself down. Jowan walked up to me and ran his finger tips down my arms to my hands, but unlike normal I flinched away form him. It didn't feel the same anymore.

"Thank you. I hope you can find in your heart to forgive me again." He leaned in to kiss me but I turned away and took a step back. "Goodbye, Shi. I know you'll miss me."

The next thing I knew Jowan was lying face down on the ground and my knuckles where burning with pain. I think the asshole's face broke my hand.

"Ow!" I cried, immediately healing my hand with my other one. I looked up to see my companions' dazed expressions. Leliana's jaw hung open. Always the tone of surprise. "Don't ask. Not yet." I said and left the dungeons. Even Mercy took a second before following at my heels.

* * *

It didn't take long as we wrecked through the castle before the pain of my actions started to dawn on me.

I shouldn't have done that. Why did I let him go? He _can't_ be trusted. My mind couldn't fathom anything else as we went through one room at a time. It just went round and round and _round_ in my head; the regret, already and I doubt he had regained consciousness yet. I could still go back and kill him before he got out. But I don't think I could find my way back. Is it wrong that _that_ is the only reason I'm not going back to murder _him?_

I could feel Alistair's concern, it almost radiated off him as he watched in horror as I released all my anxiety on the creatures we found. My fury unlocked spells I never knew I could do. My spirit burned with so much hateful anger that even Alistair and Leliana's blades were coated in it. The flames never left my fingers as we wrenched through the castle room by corpse filled room.

The only time I actually stopped was when we came up to the courtyard. I could feel… something neither human nor darkspawn but it… disturbed me. I grabbed the back of Alistair's armour to stop him form running out.

"I can sense something." I whispered in warning. "We need to open the gate before it realises we're here, I don't know what it is yet but it's strong."

"You don't think we can face it alone? Even with you all wound up like this." He actually had the guts to smirk at me. What's with this guy?

I made a face at him and was about to make some comment when Leliana stopped me.

"Leave it to me." she said and touched my shoulder, warningly, before slinking off into the shadows.

"Won't opening the gates attract its attention? Whatever's out there?" Alistair said in my ear.

"Then we need to be ready." I nodded and turned toward him, only then realising how close he was standing.

"You ready?" he whispered to me, eyes piercing right through mine.

"As I'll ever be." I just stared back at him, but Mercy nuzzling my leg made me reluctantly turn away. We heard shouts as the gate was lifted and the knights ran in.

"Here we go!" Alistair ran out, Mercy, glancing at me before running off at his heels.

I knew it. The second they got out in the open it appeared. My mind felt a tug on a release of magic in the far corner and it reared its armoured head. A Revenant. It looked just like the Arcane Warriors I had seen in text books; standing tall in scarlet robes and with a great sword that was as long as I was tall and a grey iron spiked helm.

It had summoned loads of walking corpses and they were to be dealt with first by the knights and Alistair whilst myself and Leliana tackled the Revenant from afar.

Leliana was stationed near the gate and stayed there, arching arrows over the heads of the knights and hitting her targets directly. Alistair was almost dead centre with the knights, attracting most of the attention, and Mercy between me and them as he tore out throat after throat. I concentrated on the Revenant, knowing that I would most probably be its target, as its greatest threat – theoretically. It lashed out with its great sword in long arcs which wiped out most of the corpses rather than actually getting any of our allies. I cast flash after flash of lightening at it as my frost spells made little difference and the range was too far for anything stronger. Otherwise it was going well.

I suddenly doubled over, gasped for breath, as I felt a force on my stomach. It felt like I had been hit by a boulder but obviously hadn't. My head burned and I felt the strength fade away rapidly and my limbs began to shake under the weight of holding my body up. I fell to my knees and could just about make out corpses running toward me so with the last of my mana I erected my shield around me before my vision fuzzed out of clarity. Every fibre of muscle in me was sore from strain and my mind was throbbing with pain, I had to bite down on my lip to keep from screaming, drawing blood.

"Shi!" I heard Leliana cry. She must have seen me fall. I felt resistance on my shield as she tried to get to me but I couldn't take it down, it just continued to draw energy from me. "Alistair!" she yelled, I looked up too quickly, concerned that he had fallen too, and clicked my neck. Thankfully, he was fine; more than fine as I saw him slit the Revenant's throat and land triumphantly. Vision blurring again, it all went silver. "_Alistair! _She needs help; I can't get through her shield!" Leliana was screaming at him now.

I started to pant, my breathing becoming difficult, restricted and everything seemed to be shaking. I felt something hit my shield, forcefully, bursting out from around me, I gasped, desperately and the walls fell. I felt skinny arms grab me and hold me tightly. Leliana held me to her shoulder, trying to stop my shaking. Another hand cupped my jaw, it was colder to the touch and the skin was rougher than the ones that were stroking my hair. The thumb of this hand brushed against my lower lip, teasing it open and then something solid touched my mouth. I tried to look at it but my vision was still blank but I could smell the minty spirit of a health poultice.

"Come on, Shi." He whispered to me, and tilted the contents into my mouth. I gulped the syrupy liquid down and felt it instantly warm my throat and stomach. I opened my eyes then and was surprised by how clear it was again as I looked straight up into Alistair's amber shimmering eyes. "Better?" he asked.

I nodded, not moving my gaze and he smiled whilst handing me a second bottle, this time with the silvery shine of lyrium in it. This was such a contrast to the first and the smooth lyrium sent sharp tingles through my body.

"It felt so weird… cold… odd, not like your magic but it came from you. What was it?" he asked. I had forgotten he was a Templar and so could sense magic.

"I'm not really sure but that was a Revenant so it must have cast some entropy spell."

"Like for weakness?" asked Leliana, allowing me to sit up a bit now that I was edging back to normality.

"Most likely." I nodded. "Come on; let's go talk to the knights. They did really well; we need to thank you."

I stood up and almost immediately keeled over again but Alistair caught my arm quickly and supported me with his arm around my waist.

"Are you alright?" he looked so worried.

"Not yet apparently. The shield must have drained both my physical energy and my mana." His grip tightened further as if he feared I would collapse again after that and led me over to where Leliana was now flirting with the Ser Perth.

We decided to go into the Castle together, as a group and face whatever was in there as a unit.

* * *

Alistair's POV

She was walking on her own now but I still stole a cautious glance at her when I could. I couldn't forget how fragile she felt in my arms and then there was that incessant… _need_ to protect her … that was new.

When we burst through the great oak doors of the main hall I honestly didn't expected what we saw.

Bann Teagan was crawling around like a little pet puppy, grinning and dancing like a lunatic. The boy I recognised vaguely as Connor stood up by the fireplace with his bitch of a mother and clapped and laughed gleefully as his poor uncle played jester. As we entered the grand hall, the boy looked up and I could see only the whites of his eyes; they were like a ghost's, shells of what they were before. It was inexplicably eerie.

"So _these_ are the visitors? The ones you told me about, mother?" said what I suppose was meant to be Connor's voice. It was croaky and yet slimy at the same time, even more creepy than the eyes.

"Y-yes, Connor." Isolde simply stared at the floor.

"But now it's staring at me! What is it, mother?"

Isolde looked up then, confused at first but then looked at Shi and answered her… son.

"An elf, Connor. You... you've seen elves before."

"Oh, I remember! I had their ears cut off and fed to the dogs! They chewed for _hours!"_

Mercy growled ferociously at the words from behind Shi's legs.

"C-Connor I beg you, don't hurt anyone!" she pleaded. This seemed to trigger something in the child-thing as the next time he blinked the irises returned to their milky brown colour.

"M-Mother? What… what's happening?" he gripped his head tightly and I saw the child leave again. He was fighting it.

"Connor! Oh thank the Maker. Can you hear me, my boy?"

"Somehow I don't think that's your son anymore." Shi said solemnly, clearly seeing the eyes turn white again as I had.

"Connor?" Isolde placed her hand tentatively on her child's shoulder.

"Get off me! How _dare_ you touch me, _mother!"_ It bellowed at her, spitting out the last word as if it were dirt and drew his hand back to smack her away from him.

Shi walked up to him slowly, carefully. I watched his every move, every twitch, in case he would try to attack her too.

"Where is Eamon?" Shi asked softly. The boy looked up at her. "Connor? Where is your father?"

"Father is alive; just as I wanted."

"Can you take me to him? I am a healer, Connor, I can help him."

The boy seemed to slow down and actually consider what she was saying before it answered her. Connor was still in there somewhere.

"But… father is so very ill… we really mustn't disturb him. Isn't that right, mother?"

"I… I don't… think." Stuttered Isolde, nursing her cheek where she had been struck.

"Of course you don't. But I'm bored now. I crave excitement! Uncle, entertain me!"

Teagan got up form his little crouch on the floor and strode toward Shi theatrically drawing back his own hand in a fist, taking aim.

_Whack!_

Shi had slung her staff from her back and slammed it against Teagan's head. Oh, Maker, more unexpected madness. Why was she hitting everyone all of a sudden? Connor ran out of the room as his little puppet fell to the floor, blood trickling form a gash across his forehead. Leliana made to follow him but I grabbed her arm and shook my head, signalling her to let him go. She nodded.

"Teagan!" cried Isolde.

Shi crouched at his side and lifted his head.

"Teagan are you alright?" Isolde was almost frantic.

"I am… better." He said, but fell back a bit when feeling the pain his head must be in. "Ah, or maybe not."

"Sorry about that; went with a hunch." Shi said as she gently ran two fingers across the gash and Teagan winced as the skin started to slowly knit itself back together. I'd never seen anything like it. There wasn't even a scar!

"Well it would seem it was the right one. Thank you." He said to her. Shi just half smiled in awkward acknowledgement. I knew she hated the attention.

"Please!" Isolde screeched. "Connor's not responsible for this. There must be some way we can help him."

"Hush now." Shi soothed, as I helped her get to her feet. "I'm not about to kill a child."

"Connor's no longer a child. He's an abomination." Came a voice form behind us. We all turned on our heels to see the pesky little mage from down stairs. I rolled my eyes, I bet the rat just followed us up here and didn't help at all.

"You! You did this to Connor!" cried Isolde, tears threatening.

"I didn't! I _didn't_ summon any demons. Please, let me help-"

"Help? You betrayed me!" said Isolde.

"That makes two of us." I heard Shi mutter, to herself more than anyone. I took her hand and held it, her shoulders relaxed and I smiled. She did still need me.

"Ok, everyone, calm down." I said to try and break the tension.

"You! You let him out didn't you?" the woman turned on Shi, and over her shoulder I saw the mage glance at the clasped hands between me and my mage. I tired to hold back a grin. Ha ha, who's the unlucky bastard now?

"Trust me, he's going to be of some use to us." Offered Shi, the other mage nodded.

"Use? How-" started Isolde.

"Your secrecy made his actions possible, Isolde. He is no more to blame than you are." Said Teagan as the Arlessa made a remarkable impression of a goldfish. "I shan't turn away his help if it's offered."

"So what are our options?" Shi turned to me.

I glanced away but she squeezed my hand, my guess is that she already knew my opinion on this. I sighed and continued anyway.

"I wouldn't normally suggest slaying a child but… he's an abomination. I'm not sure there's any choice."

"We can't kill a young boy, demon or no demon." Interrupted Leliana. "Please don't tell me we're considering this!"

"Connor's my nephew but… he's an abomination. Death would be… merciful." From Teagan's words it was clear that nearly everyone was just about ready to give up on this. I honestly couldn't see a good way round this.

"There is another option." said Jowan in a small voice.

"Oh?" demanded the elf at my side, with a glare. I didn't know what she thought he was going to say but by the sound of it, it wasn't going to be good.

"We can confront the demon in the fade and kill it there without harming Connor." From the look on her face this wasn't what she expected him to say.

"What do you mean? Is the demon not inside Connor?" asked Teagan.

"Well, not physically. The demon approached Connor in the Fade whilst he dreamt. He is controlled from there… but we'd need lots of mages to get someone across the veil." Shi explained.

"The Circle? It's not far from here." I offered.

"Yeah! And we can kill two stones with one bird, so you say." She looked happy.

"Umm… other way round." I whispered into her ear, she blushed.

"But what if something happens here whilst we're gone?" asked Leliana.

"Damn, thought we had an idea then." I mumbled.

"I can use-"

"_Never!"_ Shi interrupted her 'friend'. "You seriously think I'd let you cast a spell like that? Or even a spell at all!"

"Maybe not but I'm just saying I can do this." He bowed his head to her respectfully and said no more.

"Do what? I don't understand." Isolde jumped at the possibility of another solution for the mess she created. They were as bad as each other really. Her and the mage.

"It doesn't matter; it's not happening." Her glare didn't leave Jowan almost daring him to try again.

We all fell into a deep silence. I watched Shi pace the length of the hall, running her hands through her hair, trying to come up with something else. Whatever Jowan was going to suggest was clearly out of the question but if it was our only option I had to admit I was beginning to become curious.

Occasionally she and the other mage who sat in the corner would randomly repeat something someone said earlier and ponder over it but it was never anything more than either of them simply thinking allowed.

"… Chaos only ever occurs when Connor is conscious…" muttered Shi.

"… The demon controls Connor from the Fade…" muttered Jowan.

Shi stopped pacing and stared at him.

"It's probably a desire demon…" she said to him. Jowan stood and walked toward her, the same determination in his eyes.

"So it wouldn't harm Connor itself because-"

"Because that would break their pact."

"So that would mean…?" Jowan waved his hands around at her.

"… Connor's safest when he's asleep."

"We can trap Connor in the Fade and then the Demon can't do anything. Not to him, not to _anyone_."

Glancing around, I was gad to see I wasn't the only one completely awestruck by what the torrent of babbling words that just poured out of them. I barely followed; it was going by so fast.

"It could buy us some time-"

"What in Ferelden are you two on about?" I exclaimed. Shi took a deep breath and then turned to address the rest of us sane folk.

"If Connor's not conscious then the demon can't control him on this side of the veil. We can assume that it's going to be a desire demon because Connor said that it was keeping Eamon alive so that means they made a pact so that the Demon would help Connor." She explained.

"So it wouldn't hurt Connor in the Fade because of this pact. It just can't be done." said Jowan.

"So if we can get Connor asleep and hold him there we can buy ourselves the time we need to get to the Circle and bring back help to sort this out properly." Shi finished.

We just stared at them.

"I can stay here and keep and eye on Connor whilst you run off to _them_." Jowan said to her. Shi gave him a knowing look and nodded once at him.

"Very well. I will keep Jowan here and keep a watch on him as a precaution." said Teagan. He gave some order to his knights to go sort out some rooms.

"You're a genius." Jowan whispered to Shi. She smiled up at him but it didn't last long.

"I'm just glad that you could remember that part of who you were."

She walked away from him and I had to hold back another little smile. She wasn't interested in his advances, no matter of the history they clearly had. Isolde was instructed to draw Connor here so that we could try and get him under control before we left in under an artificial sleep. It didn't take long before he arrived. We had hidden behind the door so as not to freak him out but Shi stood in the centre of the hall without her staff.

"You're still here! What do you want? Are you going to try to hurt me? Mother, what have you done?" he was as angry as he was before but now just sounded like the spoilt little brat I'm sure he was before.

"Look," Shi said, showing her hands. "No weapon, nothing that could possibly harm, you."

"Alright. Is it dinner then?" Connor glared at her.

"Well, we were thinking that you could skip dinner and go straight to bed." She said quickly and forced her hand toward him, releasing an orange tinted light toward him. Connor's head lapsed back and his rose an inch off the ground before falling backwards, to the floor.

"Connor!" cried Isolde, tears streaming down her face. Her son was fast asleep in her arms.

"You always were the best at that kind of stuff." said Jowan.

"Is he alright now? Will he be safe?" Teagan asked, torn between honourable appearances and rushing to the side of his nephew. Shi nodded at him. He sighed. "Then we had best retire, I'm sure you are all tired and you have a long day ahead of you tomorrow. Come, rest a bit and then you all can join me for dinner tonight."

* * *

Teagan had called us all for dinner and had told me – no, _ordered_ me – to at least _try_ and scrub up. I take it that we're going to pretend that Eamon isn't lying in bed, albeit peacefully, and could die at any day now. At least Connor was under relative control. Thanks to Shi.

I spent some time staring at the _costume_ Teagan had given me for the evening. If I had my way I would simply go down in my undershirt and worn leather breeches but I'm guessing Teagan had predicted that and decided to make my own fashionable input as limited as possible. He had given me a matching set of dark blue trousers and doublet with a smart and simple white linen shirt. I had a bath, which must have been that _nicest_ feeling I have ever experienced – that's what being on the road all day does to you. I tried on the entire costume and couldn't stop giggling at my reflection – I looked like a jester in this silk and cotton get up, all I needed was the fancy hat with bells on which I almost went and asked Teagan for… almost. So I decided to scratch the doublet completely and simply wore the white linen shirt and blue trousers. Much better and this way I get to keep my dignity too.

As I walked down the hall to the stairs, a scattering of hurried feet and a thud into my arm announced Shi's presence. I caught her and righted her on her feet until I noticed her appearance. Maker's Breath she was beautiful! Her jet black hair – which I was so accustomed to seeing being combed back into her ponytail – now sat in slightly damp, loose ringlets that fell to her shoulders and had a silver pin in one side to hold it out of her face. She must have borrowed one of Isolde's dresses for she wore an elaborately embroidered, red and purple dress that was fitted snugly around her tiny waist and over her shoulders. Certainly _not_ her Circle robes.

"Err, wow – I mean _evening_, Shi." I stammered, mentally beating myself up for staring.

"Maker's Breath, you're handsome." Ok well I didn't expect that and I could feel the blush creeping across my face but no matter how much I was startled she seemed to be even more shocked at her own words – her hands flew to cover her mouth and her eyes were the size of dinner plates. I would have laughed if I wasn't speechless. "I was supposed to say that in my head – _I mean_… um… ready for dinner?" her cheeks turned scarlet as she continuously stumbled over her words.

"Yeah, let's… go to dinner." I offered her my arm and she took it tentatively as we began the long walk to the dining room. I could hear her mumbling something, but I didn't care; she called me handsome. Shi thinks I'm handsome. That gave me new glee for the evening to come.

"So… is this your way of telling me _you_ think I'm handsome?"

She looked up at me guiltily and that just made my grin spread even further.

"If it is?"

I felt my heart swell; it was going to rise out of my chest. I didn't think her skin could go any redder. Well, I was proved wrong.

"Oh nothing much, I just get to grin a bit and look stupid for a while." Said grin already plastered to my face. "Might I say that you look particularly beautiful this evening, my lady?" I said in my best 'royal bastard' voice. Shi giggled a little.

"You don't have to just say that in return, you know."

I pause on the steps and use my free hand to turn her chin toward me.

"But what if I meant it?" I can feel her grip tighten on my arm and her eyes are locked intently with mine, there's no escape for either of us from this point. "I'll just have to say it again. Spring it on you in surprise, when you least expect it." I continue to walk again, towing her with me and chuckling to myself.

When we got to the main hall I half expected Teagan to scold me for being late as everyone – minus the witch I noticed, rejoicing in this discovery – was already seated. To my surprise, however, he didn't say anything of the sort. Probably noticing who exactly I had on my arm. I relaxed. Tonight was going to be a good one.

* * *

Shiarna's POV

When we reached the dining room we found our companions already and waiting for us - well minus Morrigan who said that she couldn't "sit through an insufferable façade of feasting when the Blight was biting at our heels" so had decided to take her dinner in her room, alone. Alistair relax as he obviously noticed the apostate's absence and I couldn't help but smile at him, blushing when he tightened his grip on my arm with a smirk plastered to his face. I wasn't going to be able to look him straight again for a while.

"Ah, here they are." Teagan said as he stood and walked toward us. He bowed to me and shook Alistair's hand. "I'm _afraid_ that Isolde has decided that she can't bring herself to leave Connor as he's in this state. I, however, feel that as Connor is stable – and to your doing – then his being unconscious should give us leave to greet our most honoured guests properly."

"Thank you, Bann Teagan. That is so generous of you, but the dinner wasn't necessary, I assure you. It would make sense that if Connor was only affected by the demon whilst awake then it couldn't wreck havoc whilst he was unconscious. Plus he's easier to monitor that way..." realising that I was rambling, I kind of hushed into an incoherent babble, no need to repeat my earlier arguments.

"I think that what Shi's getting at is that we can seek further help with Connor elsewhere. We now have time to go to the Circle and speak to her mentor." Alistair finished for me, tightening his grip further but more reassuringly. I love that he understands me, even when I don't quite understand myself.

"Precisely, and in this case we are very grateful. So of course we then have even more of an excuse to have a proper meal."

"Is there cheese?" Alistair asked sternly. He was more serious about this than he had been when concerning the blight. I giggled at that thought.

"Of course, Alistair, I made sure that there was a large variety of it as you are one of our guests this evening I made sure that the selection was _at least_ up to your standards." Teagan however was not so sincere with his reply – only mockingly so. "Come sit by me and Shiarna I have placed you on my other side if that pleases you."

"Thank you, Teagan." I dropped Alistair's arm as Teagan led me to the chair on his left – sitting next to Sten – and motioned to Alistair to take the seat on his right, next to Leliana. Sitting opposite me. Teagan had the seat at the head of the table as his brother was… indisposed at the moment.

"So. What took you two so long? Nothing too private, I hope." Leliana grinned openly at me with that tauntingly wicked glint in her eyes.

"I… took too long in the bath. It was too comfortable and I didn't hear the servants knock on my door to ask if they could come in and dress me." This was all true, I promise, but the hesitation at my embarrassment was going to imply something else in Leliana's mind.

"In the bath? What could be so distracting about a bath? Unless you weren't alone…" Oh Maker, she glanced openly at Alistair then and he blushed as red as I felt I had.

"I _was_ alone." We both said probably too quickly, setting off more ferocious blushing. Could we look anymore guilty? Wait, guilty? We _weren't_ together so there's nothing to feel guilty about.

"Both alone together… I understand." said Leliana slyly.

"Wine anyone?" said our host a little hurriedly. Please let the subject go.

"What are you suggesting, human?" Sten actually sounded genuinely confused.

"She's implying that Alistair and Shiarna were _together_ in some romantic activity, Sten." Teagan's summary made my cheeks burn and though I couldn't look at Alistair, Leliana's hysterical giggle made it clear that his cheeks were just as red as mine.

"Why would this Warden want to mate with the male Warden?"

"Because she's beautiful and alluring and Alistair's –" started Leliana, clapping her hands with childish glee.

"I think we had better change the subject before all of Alistair's skin sets aflame." said Teagan. Might be a good idea, not just for Alistair.

"Oh, alright then." Leliana sat back in her chair and crossed her arms across her chest displaying a sweet little pout.

"So… Shiarna, what was it like living in the _Circle of Magi?"_ Oh maker here it comes. I turn to face Teagan better as I start my dinner.

"Well, it's like a big community really, we all know each other _relatively_ well and all respect each other's boundaries." I know what I'm meant to say.

"Would you ever think back to it as your home?" asked Teagan.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Alistair look up at me waiting for my answer.

"It will always be where I was raised and will always mean a lot to me… but my home is with A- as a Grey Warden." I was stammering now. Oops. Leliana giggled and she was looking between me and Alistair, with clear enjoyment. Though, thank the Maker, she kept her mouth shut. Alistair looked down again, but I was certain I could see the hint of a smile in his face. I smiled too.

"Huh, do you think Connor would be alright there?" I looked at Teagan, then. He looked worried. Worried for his nephew, I could understand that but what was there to say?

"Um… I honestly don't know Connor very well so I don't know, maybe. If he tries to make a life in there then, yes, maybe he would be alright. They would welcome him there. They'd welcome anybody."

"Even if he doesn't want to be there?" Teagan's eyes were stuck on the table.

"Initially, nobody ever wanted to be there." It's probably true. I didn't.

"Did you want to be there?"

"Honestly, no. Mages know that they aren't wanted out in the 'real' world or we wouldn't be locked up in tower, you see."

"Must be harder to be an elf as well. They aren't wanted either." This voice was not Teagan's; it had a thick Orlesian accent. Isolde had returned.

"Isolde, don't be-" Teagan began in my defence.

"Tell me. Were you wild in the forests before you went into the tower? Or were you a pet in one of the Alienages?" There was hatred in her eyes like there had been when I said I wanted to go talk to Connor alone.

Something tapped my foot, gently, under the table. I looked up to see Alistair looking at me intently. His eyes were telling me that I didn't have to answer the woman if I didn't want to and his foot rubbed mine again. I took a deep breath before turning to the woman.

"You don't know much about the elven kind do you, Isolde? The _Dalish_ - who I am assuming you mean by the 'wild in the forests' – they would keep hold of their mages and keep them in their clans, protect them. I was found in an Alienage, yes, but I don't know where." I tried to keep my voice stable and civil despite her glare. I really wanted to laugh in her face. She was like the new Templar's when they arrived fresh from training. Racist and full of empty, abusive threats.

"I don't know which would be worse. Living in the tall stone prison or living in the slums and back allies of the dirty cities." She spat.

"Living in the slums at your own will would be better than living in a castle at the 'mercy' of humans like _you_." I smiled sweetly at her.

"Come now, girls, this in not a time to be arguing," said Leliana as she stood and held her hands, palm out, in peace. Isolde glared at her, let out a short burst of air before she turned on her heels and headed to the door.

"Oh, and Teagan? That's my husband's chair, not yours." She left and let out a cry of something in Orlesian.

"What did she just say?" I asked Leliana, who had discreetly stuck out her tongue at Isolde's back.

"She said… 'pointy eared scum'." She said in a low voice.

I had to laugh at that and everyone looked at me, perplexed.

"She's just so much like those bastard Templars."

Alistair's face dropped and he bowed his head to look at the plate in front of him. I stopped laughing. Oh no. He thinks I mean like _him_. _Great_ choice of words, Shi. _'Bastard _Templars'. Both apply to him and now he'll think I hate him as much as I hate the lot of them. I touch his foot like he did mine to try and get his attention and apologise… but he moves it away. Though he does look up and start a new conversation with Teagan. Something about the militia in the village.

The rest of our dinner is lost on civilised conversation and I notice Leliana looking between me and Alistair again, giving me quizzical looks. She obviously didn't notice my bad wording but she knew something was up.

Alistair won't look at me.

I needed to talk to him.

* * *

Alistair's POV

I couldn't believe she said that. Did she mean it? Probably, since she said it with out faltering. She falters if she lies – I picked that up because, Maker, that girl can be persuasive but she just can't lie effectively. Well that was a blow. Why did it have to be like this? Why was it always me getting hurt? Why was it _her?_

This was all I could think about towards the end of the dinner and as soon as I could I left the hall, thanking Teagan, of course – I wouldn't forget that. I had to get out of there before her eyes reached mine again, there was something about her that I couldn't avoid but I needed to get away.

The chill in the air outside in the courtyard was refreshing after the heat of the dinning hall. I walked across the courtyard – surprised at the lack of noise as I wasn't wearing my armour – and left through the castle gates. The silver moon was nowhere to be seen in the foggy mist of the night sky and made seeing where I was going very difficult. So I just kept climbing the hill. Eventually, as my eyes had adjusted to the dim light I found a ledge where I could see over the village and there I sat. I knew it wasn't going to be long until the cold wind began to cut through me and I would have to turn back or they sent out a search party. Can't loose an _honoured guest_ now, can we? But I was quite happy sitting in the dark, alone with my thoughts.

"Hey."

Ok, well I thought I was alone. The gentle voice made me look back over my shoulder and I could just about make out the silhouette of my mage. Sorry, not _my mage_. Never _my _mage. Especially with the whole… being a mage thing.

"Hey." I mumbled back to her.

She came and sat beside me, silently, not saying anything else. I almost thanked her for that but then realised that that would defeat the object of respecting the silence. I actually couldn't believe that this was the same girl who had had me feel so warm and – well I'm still not too sure what that was but I liked it – no more than two hours ago, and now I couldn't even look at her. Not if she hated me as much as she had said.

"Alist-"

"Hush." I interrupted her.

"No, _please_, listen to me, I'm _really_ bad with words… you know that – but I was just… um… you don't know what it was like…"

"Oh, yes I see, I would have _no_ idea what it would be like to live with Templars. Not a _clue_." Ok that came out louder than I thought it would.

She looked away from me then. Was she scared of me? "I'm sorry. You were trying to talk to me."

"No, _I'm_ sorry. My prejudice toward the Chantry has blinded me because of who I am and how I was raised and I shouldn't let that influence my opinions and feelings about anyone else. Least of all you. Because I _know_ that you are nothing like they are. It just came out…"

I looked up at her. She was staring at her hands, clasped in her lap, thumbs twitching. I smiled – couldn't help it – and took one of her hands in mine but left them on her lap.

"We're so similar, you and me. Neither of us had a choice in who we are… or who we have to be."

She looked up in my eyes; hers were beginning to swell with tears though her voice betrayed no break.

"Of course we have a choice. There's always a choice, Alistair."

"Not in everything. I don't want to be Maric's son yet here I sit, you couldn't choose to be a mage yet there you are."

She squeezed my hand gently on her lap.

"You really do understand, don't you?"

"I think I do." I moved our clasped hands towards me and kissed the back of her hand. Her thumb stroked mine, softly. With my other hand I wiped away the single tear that slid down from her lashes and over her prominent cheek bone; I lingered on her jaw. Her skin was just so… soft; so smooth under my calloused hand but that didn't stop her from leaning in to it and closing her eyes. I wished I could see them but by starlight alone that wasn't possible. Without me realising I was moving, I found myself leaning in toward her, slowly but gradually and by the time she had opened her eyes again I was merely an inch away from touching her. She gave a slight smile and that was all the encouragement I needed. Without hesitating I closed my eyes and touched my lips to hers. The second I did a searing heat pulsed through my stomach. I kissed her again and this time I felt her response. My heart rate soared. She had hooked a hand behind my neck and pressed into me, deepening our connection.

I was grinning again but with the hand placed on her shoulder I could feel icy skin, pimpled against the chill. Reluctantly, I broke away.

"Shi, you must be freezing." I breathed, heavily.

"I'm fine." Her eyes were burning in the same way that mine felt but I saw the flames die slightly. "Actually, I should probably get back inside. See you tomorrow, Alistair." She gave me one last kiss and left.

I watched her walk away longingly. Looking up at the sky as I stood I noticed that the moon had broken free of the cloud covering. Chuckling and smiling only to myself I started to walk slowly back.

* * *

**A/N Too soon? Please tell me :D**


	8. Home Coming

**A/N Ok, well, the prize for the best review ever has to go to carliecullenx :D Thanks so much for that, it made my day!  
So sorry it's taken so long to get this up but it's the summer again and anyone with exams is feeling the pressure now so updates are really slow. Writer's Block doesn't help either – so my apologies. Hope you like this chapter, though.**

* * *

**Chapter 8:** Home Coming

Shiarna's POV

Oh Maker, he kissed me. He actually _kissed_ me. And I kissed him back. I shouldn't have done that. It was wrong. What he was… what I am… even what he's going to be; it all makes this _impossible_ to work out… but that feeling. It was something I had never felt before. Ever. So warm, perfect in its own way and I didn't want to leave him, but it's _Alistair_.

For the first time I wanted to run back to his arms and stay there… but there's so much riding on us, now more then ever. If we can't get moving fast enough Eamon could die or my spell on Connor could ware off and his little demon friend could destroy everything and then where would we be? Back to nothing. Square one.

But I can't get him out of my head. It can't only be my feelings, _he_ kissed _me_ after all. Probably shouldn't feel this rush when I think that – it might just make things worse.

I was just wandering around in the dark, running my hands through my hair with the frustration and shaking uncontrollably; Alistair was right: I was cold out here but I hadn't been with him.

"Shiarna!"

Oh crap!

"Shiarna, where are you?"

Wait, that's not him.

"Shiarna!"

"I'm here!"

"Shiarna. There you are. Everybody's worried about you."

"Sorry, Teagan. I've been a little… lost."

"I can see that. I went up to your room to apologise about dinner but you weren't there."

"You don't need to apologise for anything. Dinner was… lovely."

"Oh, the food was fine but I was apologising for Isolde." Well, doy, so much for being polite about my hostess.

"You don't need to do that, she's not _your _wife… in any case, I should be used to it by now."

"No, she's not my wife but whilst my brother's… indisposed I will take his responsibilities."

"You are an honourable man, Bann Teagan." I did notice that he didn't disagree with me. But he is only human. But so is Alistair.

"Come one, let's get you back to the Castle and into something warmer. You must be freezing."

I nodded and took the arm he had offered, as he escorted me back toward the Castle all I could think was: What if it had been Alistair who found me?

* * *

I needed a plan. I tried to come up with one that night but didn't really get anywhere as _someone_ kept popping up in my head. Mercy lay fast asleep on his cushion at the foot of my bed but sleep refused to take me so I just lay in bed staring at the ceiling contemplating what I already knew:

1. Jowan and my spell couldn't hold Connor in the Fade for long so we were on a close time limit,

2. We couldn't really do anything blight-wise without the Arl's help,

3. Arl Eamon was gravely ill so he couldn't really offer help even if he knew anything,

And… oh yeah

4. There was a horde of ugly, angry, stinking _darkspawn_ on our heels.

The only obvious thought I could see resembling a fraction of a possible plan was trying to save Eamon from death-by-Jowan. But healing through whatever ways known to man, elf or dwarven kind apparently didn't help. The more I thought about this Urn of Sacred Ashes the less I thought it was possible. Isolde might know or at least have something that might help. Isolde. She hurt Alistair. My finger tips burned up. And Alistair kissed me … _see_, this is why I couldn't come up with a plan! Frustration overloaded and I let a small flame light up the room from my fingers.

I sat up in the bed, swinging my legs over the side and buried my face in my hands. I couldn't just sit here I had to do something so I decided to go find the archives Isolde and her knights had uncovered. I slid from the sheets pulling a robe from the wardrobe, left my staff where it was by the bed – who was a danger to a mage in the dark? – and snuck out into the hall way, leaving Mercy snoring away in my room.

My door had to be the only one that creaked and I opened it slowly onto the pitch black corridor, _really_ slowly and managed to close it behind me with out too much noise. Mercifully, the floorboards were well kept and I got down the corridor and down the spiral staircase silently.

There were no guards about, but I could hear voices coming from the Grand Hall and I slunk away in the shadows toward Eamon's study. The six sets of dark heavy plate armour in the hall before Eamon's study still freaked me out; they had been possessed earlier and attacked us, making life very difficult, hence I hadn't checked out Eamon's study earlier. I crept around the edges of the room, hiding in the shadows of the suits of armour but just before I reached the door I heard footsteps on the staircase I had just come from. Oh, Holy Maker, if they caught me sneaking around like this I doubt I'd be welcomed back with open arms. I ran straight to the study as quietly as I could and shut the door behind me, shutting myself in complete darkness. I pressed my ear to the door, breath hitched, and heard the person stumble on the bottom step, pause and walk away, in the opposite direction. I released the air from my lungs and relaxed.

Turning to the room I lit a soft flame on my finger tip and went about lighting the oil lamps dotted around the room. I approached the large ornate wooden desk in the centre of the room and opened the top draw. There sat a peculiar silver pendant. It was a Chantry symbol of some sort but it couldn't really be made out because of areas where it had been welded back together, rather clumsily. I made a disapproving noise with my tongue; even I could do better than that with my bare hands. Granted I can control fire with those bare hands but that's not the point. I pocketed the pendant; I thought that maybe Leliana would appreciate it.

I rifled through the papers seeing titles like 'The Gates of Minrathous' and 'A Town of Haven'. Skim reading it I didn't really find anything convincing until I found 'The Tale of Havard of Aegis'.

"But... you can't enchant a refined item like that with healing magic," I said to myself, thinking allowed. "… it isn't physically possible so… how-"

"What _are_ you doing?"

Oh, cursed Andraste.

I span on my heels and saw Alistair standing before me, door shut behind him. He was in a loose pair of cotton trousers and a linen shirt, rustic golden hair in an unorganised mess and was leaning against the wall, watching me, much like he had at my Joining. But this time he was even more appealing. Ok, got to stop thinking like that.

"Nothing?" I winced but he smirked at me and crossed his arms over his chest obviously not taking my feeble answer. I sighed heavily, turning my back on him to return to the papers I had found. "Trying to come up with a plan."

"Well, I can try and help you there." He walked up behind me, reading the papers in my hands over my shoulder. One of his hands came up to hold one of mine and the other rested on the table on the other side of me. If I leant back I could get him to hold me and pretend it was an accident. But I didn't. "Found anything interesting?" he whispered lowly in my ear and I shivered involuntarily at the feel of his breath on my neck.

"Actually, yes." I turned to look at him and almost bumped his nose. "Well as you probably guessed, I was having doubts about the whole 'healing-powers-of-the-dead-prophet' thing." He nodded, smirking again. "Well, I found this and can't explain it."

"_Gravely wounded, Havard made his way to the gates… When his fingers touched the pile of ashes, his ears filled with song… The song faded…"_ he read to me.

"_And Havard was alone. But his wounds were healed."_ I finished the page with him. "Do you believe it? I mean, you're a little more religious than me."

"I'm not _really_ the religious sort but if _you_ – the star mage – can't explain it any other way then…"

"It might be worth checking it out?" I finished. He nodded slowly and I noticed that his hand on my other side had made its way to my waist without my noticing it. "We have a plan then. Thank you."

"Any time." He smiled down at me and leaned closer. My heart rate leapt.

"So … how did you know I was here?" I asked before he reached me, trying to stop the smile from spreading across my lips.

"I could sense your use of magic a mile off." He shrugged. "Templar, remember?"

"Oh yeah." I muttered as he leaned in again, slower that time. "Err, I'm going to bed and you should too. We have a long and early day ahead of us. Good night." I said quickly, ducking out of his arms and leaving him in the study. I ran up the stairs, no longer caring if I was caught and reached my room. I locked the door behind me, threw the pendant into my pack and tried to bury myself under the sheets.

Now, I was confused. I didn't want the next day to come any faster than it needed to but I didn't know if I could let him kiss me again. No matter how much I wanted him to. He said it himself, he was a Templar and I'm a mage… an apostate… outside the Circle… where I had to go tomorrow. I groaned with frustration. See? Very confused.

* * *

The following day we set off on our promised trip to The Circle of Magi. My … _home._ Or so everyone thought. We left early that morning, before dawn so we weren't ambushed by grateful villagers on our way out. We followed round the shores of the Lake Calenhad and it felt that every step I took my heart wanted to give out more and my stomach became weaker and weaker. Oh Maker, if I was like that now what was I going to be like when we got there?

Alistair's POV

The little village that sat on the shore of the lake, overlooked by the big black tower, was actually quite freaky. It was quiet late in the day so the low light didn't really help but even in broad daylight this quaint little village was definitely going to appear haunted. There were very few people about – only one templar and a few soldiers, and the inn was no better. As Shi spoke quietly with the inn keeper about a room for the night I looked around the common room in which we stood. There were shady men everywhere. They watched us closely and their narrowed eyes swooped over every one of the companions in our party. Swooping was always _bad._

* * *

Well, we lasted the night. That was a surprise. After taking down the tents we had slept in – to save space and allow ourselves privacy in the tiny room we had rented – we paid the inn keeper and left to go talk to the Templar standing at the docks. I think his name was Carrot … or Caron? No, couldn't be Caron. Oh, never mind, not going to remember.

Ok, so probably should say he was a _crazy_ Templar, so naturally, our sweet little, not-so-innocent Shiarna knew him. From the big scary Tower, no less! More crazy; I thought we were all full up.

As the 'crazy Templar' got us across the lake, albeit _incredibly_ slowly, I just couldn't take my eyes off her. It was a tiny boat – only big enough for four of us plus the dog and the templar refused to go back and forth so we only took Leliana with us. Shi sat on the front tip with her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms wrapped tightly around them. She just stared at the water splashing past her feet and the reflection of the light on the water surface just made her sunburn worse. Her hair had been left down since this morning and hung loosely around her shoulders. I just wanted to go comfort her, take her into my arms and tell her she didn't need to be scared; I would protect her. But I doubt she wanted to hear that. Especially after … that _thing_. She seemed to be getting more and more anxious with every metre we gained in the Tower, she could have actually been shaking.

She sighed deeply and looked up at the shadow looming above us. Ok, something was definitely wrong. She always thought of this as her _home._ I knelt on the bow behind her and whispered in to her ear.

"What's up?"

"Nothing…" she sighed.

"Don't believe you." I almost sang, trying to cheer her up. It didn't really work but her soft lips did turn up a little at the corners.

"It doesn't really matter, anyway."

"Well, it matters to me." I tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, falling off my knees to sit beside her instead. "You're a Circle Mage, this should be a good thing, going back home like this. I thought you wanted to see it again. I thought you missed it."

She just bowed her head again and turned away from me to pretend to watch the water.

"You know, one of the most important people in my life told me once that if you had something bothering you that it was always better to talk to someone else about it." I smiled at her. She actually smiled back.

"Ok… well… the _truth_ is that… that I'm not really a Circle Mage." She ended in a whisper.

"Huh?" Wasn't expecting that.

"I was cast out… after the whole Jowan thing."

"What happened?" I continued to whisper.

"I helped him escape, destroy his phylactery and…" She looked at me; there were tears in her eyes. She just looked so hurt.

I didn't need to say it with words; I just placed my hand on her shoulder and she leant into me and buried her face in my shoulder so I wrapped my arms around her, securely, and held her as tight as I possibly could.

"I should have told someone," her muffled voice said through the tears. "I knew there was something wrong… that there was something not right and I didn't tell him… but, it was _Jowan_… what could I do?"

"He was your friend; you were right to do what ever you could to help him if he was in trouble," I whispered into her ear, stroking her hair softly. I still had no idea what had actually happened between her and Jowan but I wasn't going to ask if she didn't want to talk about it, I knew she needed me now and I was going to try and help her in any way I could.

"You don't understand… he _knew_. He _knew _I wasn't telling him something and I bet he knew what it was, too."

"Shhh. It's alright." We were getting close to the tower now and I knew she would need to be back to normal by the time we got there.

"You're not listening, are you? I helped him _escape_. He was a _blood mage_… and he didn't tell me. I hate him, Alistair; I'll always _hate_ him for that." She was looking at me now. I must admit, even if I wasn't really listening before; I was when she said that.

I could feel anger mount in my veins. A blood mage? How could she help a _blood mage?_ Why? It's just… wrong, messing with someone's mind like that.

"I didn't know but I knew something was odd, I should have told _somebody_. I'm so sorry."

"Why are you apologising to me?" I said blankly.

"Because I should have told you the truth. I told you I was a Circle Mage and I'm not."

_That's _what she's apologising for?

"You're a Warden now. All former titles and ties are relinquished." I wasn't smiling anymore, just saying the words she needed to here.

"But-"

"Doesn't matter. We're here now." I stood and waited for us to dock. I was a little angry but not because she didn't tell me that. It wasn't necessary, but the blood mage thing? And Jowan being one? I didn't like the guy anyway but she even helped him out. And then let him go again.

I was disappointed in her.

* * *

I couldn't understand how she just switched from 'distraught, tearful wreck' to 'determined, responsible leader' just like that.

We walked past the Templars stationed at the doors without me really noticing. I was still sort of caught up on the fact that she had released a known blood mage, twice. Just let him go. If she'd told me about him before I'd have had his head not just for the whole thing but also for poisoning Eamon. Maybe that's why…

Leliana touched my shoulder and quickly brought me out of my thoughts.

"This doesn't look good," she muttered to me as Shi was approached by a dark bearded man with a menacing glare. She stood tall confronting his obvious attempt to intimidate her.

"And what makes you think that _you_ have the right to return here?" the man bellowed.

"This was my home, Greagoir. And anyway, for all you know I could be here in Grey Warden business. You do remember that I'm a Grey Warden now?" Shi was ever so slightly cocky in her tone.

"_Knight-Commander_ Greagoir to you!"

"To _anyone_, surely, not just me. Where is the First Enchanter? Could I speak with him?" She was so confident here, and I was proud of her for that.

"You mean you do not know?" said one of the Templars behind the commander. When she shook her head he continued. "The Tower is over run."

"Which is not 'Grey Warden' business so you can run away now," said the Knight-Commander, still glaring.

"What makes you think that this wouldn't concern me?" asked Shi.

"Why should it?" countered the Knight-Commander.

"Because this is… _was_ my home," said Shi. "You are a Maker damned person if you think that you can stand in the way of me helping. So what can we do?"

"Nothing," said the Commander, plainly. "Nothing else can be done; I've already asked for the Right of Annulment, it should be here in a couple of day's time."

_The Right of Annulment?_ No way! That's certain death! I could feel the magic ebb from Shi as she became enraged and knew that the 'Knight-Commander' could feel it too.

"You've done what? Oh, you really are the _typical_ Templar! You get one look at a weakened state of mages and take that as an opportunity to blow us up!" Shi all but yelled at the Templar.

"Entirely untrue! You mages jump at everything like an accusation," he grumbled. "You don't know the situation in there, it's a last resort."

"Then explain to me and maybe I could help."

* * *

The doors had crashed shut behind us; to never open again unless we found the First Enchanter. The doors were barred; are they keeping people out or _in?_

I blame Shiarna for this.

It was simply horrible. Blood and… _inner_ stuff all over the walls and we didn't pass a room that didn't have at least half a dozen corpses. Room after trashed room filled with strewn bunk beds and cracked tiles and chests that had been ripped open, their contents littering the floor.

"This was my room," said Shi, pausing in one of these rooms. "As an apprentice, anyway. I shared it with many others – Jowan being one of them – it was never really homely but… it was where I lived. Here."

We searched through the first rooms but they were empty. Strangely. I could almost feel Shi getting more and more unnerved the further we went without being confronted by something. I had to admit it was strange; we had been warned that there were demons everywhere but so far, nothing.

"Do you feel that?"

"What is it, Shi?" asked Leliana, who was walking up ahead. Mercy started to growl at the next door in front of us, standing protectively at Shi's feet; and then I could feel it too. The air around us seemed to tingle, vibrate where we stood with an almost electrical energy. It was buzzing but without noise. Magic.

"It's coming from that room." I ran forward and Shi grabbed my hand and ran with me as I burst through the door.

But then I stopped.

We were faced with something I had actually never seen before; an old woman battling a fire.

"Maker's Breath, a walking, burning lava man!" I said, and as soon as I heard giggling beside me a regretted saying anything, especially since that sounded really stupid. But it made her smile at me.

"That's a Rage Demon, Alistair," Shi said before dropping my hand from hers, circling it above her head, silver stars falling from her finger tips, and jabbing her staff at the ceiling. The "Rage Demon" turned white and froze solid before shattering into tiny shards of ice and disappearing.

"Now _that_ was cool!" She raised her eye brows at me, with a smirk on her lips. "No pun intended," I added.

"Stop right there, take another step and, I swear, I will strike you down where you stand!" The old woman glared at us, her staff aimed toward us and I put my hands up in front of me in a surrendering gesture. Shi just slowly took my hands in hers and put them back at my sides, I could see her trying to with hold a laugh.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Irving's _star pupil_ deciding that she can grace us with her presence once again. How kind of you to join us," sneered a dark haired man.

"Shut it, Kinnon! I can strike a fool like you with enough lightening to send your head spinning all the way into the Raw Fade itself," Shi snapped back.

"Oh Maker, not again," muttered a redheaded girl, rubbing her face with her hand, standing behind the old woman, but no one else seemed to hear her.

"We both know you can't do that, and anyway I've always had a steadier bolt than you and in any case-"

"Children, we are in a dire situation as it is, please do not add an old lovers' quarrel to this as well," said the old woman.

"Oh, don't say stuff like that, it'll go straight to his head," Shi protested, jumping to the side to narrowly avoid a streak of lightening coming from the smug faced man.

"Wait, I recognise you, weren't you at Ostagar," I said to the old woman to try and break this horrible tension we had now.

"I was. Who are you … I recognise your companion, Shiarna, of course, but you, young man I only vaguely recall," she said.

"You probably didn't notice me, I was only a Junior Grey Warden at the time but I can tell you that the mages were always noticed," I said.

"I'm sure that's true." The old woman frowned. "My name is Wynne, I'm a Senior Enchanter, here at the circle, or whatever's left of it, anyway."

"How do you mean? We're amazed someone survived, Greagoir told us that there was nothing left worth fighting for inside," Shi said once she looked away from the man long enough.

"Ah, Greagoir. I suppose he's given up on all hope." Wynne's frown deepened.

"Naturally, he's a Templar," said the man – I think he was called Kinnon. I winced at that. Guess it's a common hatred in the Tower, not just Shi's prejudices.

"Well, so is this man but he's not giving up, by the looks of it," said the red haired girl, gesturing at me.

"Oh, I'm not a Templar."

"You can't hide it, young man; we mages can sense your influence on the Veil," said Wynne.

"The Veil?" asked Leliana from behind us, she'd been strangely quiet in here.

"The line between the dream world of the Fade and the world of the living, child. It's magically sustained and those who possess the skill of magic or can manipulate it like the Templars leave a certain … aura," Wynne explained.

"It's a way of sensing each other," Shi said to Leliana. "I can feel Alistair as much as he can feel me but you haven't been trained like he has so you can't feel it."

"Like you can sense darkspawn and I can't?" Leliana asked. Shi nodded. It's a good analogy.

"Well, I'm still not a Templar, I didn't take my vows."

"As you say, young man," sighed Wynne. "Templar or no, Greagoir believes that the Circle is beyond hope."

"Well, we're here to do anything we can to change his mind. Are there any other survivors?" Shi asked.

"I don't know."

"Then I want to go have a look, if you don't mind." She smirked. Kinnon snorted. I glared. Stupid guy.

"Let me come with you. You're a strong healer, Shiarna, but if there are any survivors you'll need me," said Wynne.

I could see the conflict in Shi's eyes and a sweet little frown formed on her brow.

"Alright, then."

"We'll be off. Shiarna, come help me take down the barrier."

The old woman walked away and Shi, somewhat reluctantly, followed soon after.

"I'll stay here if you're taking her, they'll need more help with her gone," Leliana said from behind me.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

She nodded, shrugged off her pack and went to go talk to the children.

* * *

We were running again. Me, Shi, the dog and the old woman.

Not forgetting more stupid demons.

I had no idea what the time was, only that I was _really_ tired and absolutely starving.

I'd seen some strange stuff in my time but the things I saw in here defined 'creepy'. First, there were the lava men, then evil Templars, Blood Mages and _then_ the ultimate creepy. A desire demon pretending to be the wife _and_ kids of a possessed Templar. Who seemed perfectly happy with that, by the way.

As if running wasn't bad enough – we were on a pretty tight schedule – we climbed staircase after staircase, going higher and higher up this really tall tower.

So when the Evil-Demon-Sloth-thing told us to sleep – even though I knew I shouldn't – it was so tempting.

"You deserve more… you deserve to rest. The world will go on without you."

Thump.


End file.
